tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72013470379786234852024-03-13T10:21:36.915-07:00The Church Of Mothra - Home Of The Breakfast Mojito! ©Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.comBlogger169125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-81643497193682533182011-04-01T00:11:00.000-07:002011-04-01T00:16:06.394-07:00Matthew Currie, 1965-2011: We Hardly Knew Ye<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OBV9wRkDCug/TZV4GpJiDmI/AAAAAAAADGI/jHurT7H7F7M/s1600/40921_463875611205_528066205_6917355_940324_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OBV9wRkDCug/TZV4GpJiDmI/AAAAAAAADGI/jHurT7H7F7M/s400/40921_463875611205_528066205_6917355_940324_n.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><b>San Francisco (AP) -</b> Noted astrologer, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Conquer-Universe-Astrology-Matthew-Currie/dp/0986510262/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1301637422&sr=1-3">author</a>, and <a href="http://www.blogtalkradio.com/matthew-currie1">Blogtalkradio show host</a> Matthew Currie has died suddenly after a long and painful battle with hypochondria, caused when an unscheduled Solar Eclipse squared his Moon and Mars. He was 45 years old. He leaves behind a large collection of unwashed laundry and unanswered e-mails. His last words were reportedly "Damn, I predicted this was going to happen next week. Forgot to correct for precession, dammit dammit dammit ack."<br />
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Matthew was born in the log cabin he helped his father build in downtown Burnaby, BC. As a child he overcame a speech impediment and went on to learn a total of seven languages, six of which he could only speak in a low mutter with a lot of gestures. At an early age he discovered girls, and shortly thereafter, girls discovered pepper spray. He developed an interest in astrology, which led to a lifelong career in the panhandling industry. After forging the correct documents, he graduated high school and attended Douglas College in New Westminster, BC, completing a double major of Loitering and Smoking. In 2009 he left Canada (still considered a high point of Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper's administration) for San Francisco. More loitering and smoking ensued.<br />
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Matthew Currie was an outspoken critic of the food industry, which frequently got his orders wrong. His last book, "Star Wars: The Dark Jar-Jar Trilogy Volume One: Me-sa Gonna Be Killin' You" will be published by Dark Horse Books this September.<br />
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Until a permanent replacement can be found, the part of Matthew Currie will be played by John Cusack.<br />
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His liver has been donated to the Centers For Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia, where it will be put on display in the main rotunda. In lieu of flowers, Matthew has stated clearly in his will that mourners spend the same amount of money on malt liquor and/or marijuana. In accordance with Matthew's final wishes, he will be cremated and his ashes spread over acclaimed Canadian actress <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunny_Leone">Sunny Leone</a>.Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-9430333975115893932010-07-31T16:07:00.000-07:002010-07-31T16:07:18.398-07:00SyFy Hates You: My Review Of "A Princess Of Mars"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;"></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><h3 class="UIIntentionalStory_Message" data-ft="{"type":"msg"}" style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Watching SyFy's adaptation of "A Princess Of Mars" (one of my favorite books as a kid) is like watching one of your old childhood toys being brought magically to life... for the express purpose of being tortured to death by Satan-worshipping Nazi zombies. Slowly.</span></span></span></h3></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This movie is an abomination. May Edgar Rice Burroughs arise from his grave and take bloody revenge on all responsible. Now THAT'S something I'd enjoy watching. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It makes me ashamed to have cable. It makes me regret having retinas. It *almost* makes me feel sorry for Traci Lords. It's THAT bad. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's "Plan 9 From Outer Space" without the sincerity. It's every stupid sci-fi cliché that was never entertaining in the first place, inadequately portrayed by Anthony Sabado's pecs. Traci Lords looks as weathered as the Headless Horseman's saddle, except the Headless Horseman's saddle could probably act better. It's like taking a sip of a fruit smoothie, only to discover it's made from rancid blended fish guts.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whoever gave the green light to this thing should be waterboarded until they repent, and then they should be waterboarded again just to make sure. Rubbing a DVD of this thing against your crotch would probably cause sterility. If Jesus returned to Earth while this thing was on, he'd probably just say "screw it" and blow the planet up, and he'd probably be right to do so. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Traci Lords" and "entertainment" do not belong in the same sentence. Ten bucks would get me a sexier time with the crackhead ho that works a few blocks away from here, and that crackhead would be both sexier and a better actress, even if she was comatose at the time. And I'd feel better about that than I do watching this movie. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At best, Traci Lords is "A Princess Of Mars" the same way I would be "A Princess Of Cellblock D" if I was in prison. Except I would retain far more dignity. Yet, despite all this, she still comes across better than Anthony Sabado Jr.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's hard to tell what Anthony Sabado Jr. wields less believably: his sword, or his dialog. He is less believable than Traci Lord's wig. He only has one emotional setting... assuming that "anesthetized" is an emotion. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And, Tars Tarkas? Despite being a fictional character, he should sue anyway.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"A Princess Of Mars" is as shamelessly, unabashedly contemptuous of its audience as every movie SyFy has foisted on its audience I've seen in the last year. I'm assuming that the SyFy audience must now consist entirely of the paralyzed, forced to watch it by cruel underpaid nurses... and those stalwart few who keep praying that "Caprica" will somehow get better. SyFy apparently has a pure, unadulterated hatred and contempt for its audience. It makes most of the stuff on Spike TV look like </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">King Lear</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Literate, intelligent fans of science fiction should not merely ignore SyFy: they should issue a </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">fatwa</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> against it. Better yet: they shouldn't even bother. Watching SyFy slowly drown in its own excrement will be a lot more satisfying, and infinitely more entertaining.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> recommended.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-54506453650402454932009-03-21T20:54:00.000-07:002009-03-21T20:58:12.640-07:00Voyeuristic Greed Porn<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/ScW3LxzNBpI/AAAAAAAACSc/uAwukRn99bk/s1600-h/VITE_WHI_cover_78_.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 282px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/ScW3LxzNBpI/AAAAAAAACSc/uAwukRn99bk/s400/VITE_WHI_cover_78_.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5315856348155283090" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />Do you like to watch?<br /><br /></span></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-7104197559428051882009-03-18T05:30:00.000-07:002009-03-18T05:30:00.849-07:00Scary Greed Porn<div style="text-align: center;">.<br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9VvGW98D3XA&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9VvGW98D3XA&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br />.<br /></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-37918550682733120572009-03-17T08:37:00.000-07:002009-03-17T08:58:05.608-07:00More Greed Porn<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/Sb_DwiJqFLI/AAAAAAAACRc/vAvt4tZZoPE/s1600-h/mid_pic.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 289px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/Sb_DwiJqFLI/AAAAAAAACRc/vAvt4tZZoPE/s400/mid_pic.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5314181323888923826" border="0" /></a><br />You want a mortgage? You want to struggle against a shrinking real income to pay it off? Why not get a home equity loan and invest that money in other people's mortgages to make the money to pay off the mortgage?<br /><br />Oh yeah baby. You can have them both... <span style="font-style: italic;">all night long</span>. And then you'll have the wealth and power to live like a God, and do God-like things... like see the stars through your telescope during the daytime. Indoors.<br /><br />Life is <span style="font-style: italic;">good</span>.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://matthewastrology.blogspot.com/2009/02/astrologer-responds-to-current-economic.html">The Amazing Surprise Economic Turnaround Astrology Experiment continues... and there's something in it for you! Click here to read more, and to join in!</a></span><br /><br /><br /></span></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-7570973165429526602009-03-16T10:46:00.000-07:002009-03-16T11:00:42.076-07:00Greed Porn<div style="text-align: justify;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/Sb6SMF0OygI/AAAAAAAACRU/fz26kasJqyE/s1600-h/1340710.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 305px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/Sb6SMF0OygI/AAAAAAAACRU/fz26kasJqyE/s400/1340710.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313845346761099778" border="0" /></a>With all the arguments out there that porn leads to infidelity, divorce, rape, child sexual abuse, and so many other sexually-based ills... why is no one pointing out the obvious?<br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />People were worked into a financial frenzy over promises that life could only get better as time went on, and as they kept consuming, and kept buying overpriced houses, and getting loans against those houses and investing them.<br /></div><br />Money is supposed to be something you earn in order to exchange it for goods and services. It's not something magical mined from The Future (or thin air) to feed the over-hyped appetites of Today. But of course there was a buck to be made pushing that approach on you. And there was a buck to be made separating you from your bucks.<br /><br />Don't be too embarrassed. You bought in to the artificially-pumped dreams just like everyone else. And just like everyone else, you're probably swearing you'll never get that drunk and act that stupid again.<br /><br />Please, people of Earth.... learn from this.<br /></div><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:78%;"><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://matthewastrology.blogspot.com/2009/02/astrologer-responds-to-current-economic.html">The Amazing Surprise Economic Turnaround Astrology Experiment continues... and there's something in it for you! Click here to read more, and to join in!</a><br /><br /><br /></span></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-73487394694770799392008-08-29T09:53:00.000-07:002008-08-29T10:13:33.104-07:00Sarah Palin, Harbinger Of The Apocalypse<div style="text-align: justify;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SLgttXC1ozI/AAAAAAAABes/0TpeEX8nDII/s1600-h/sarah+palin+miss+alaska.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SLgttXC1ozI/AAAAAAAABes/0TpeEX8nDII/s320/sarah+palin+miss+alaska.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5239988423748854578" border="0" /></a>As someone who has sat back and watched US Federal politics for a long time, and as someone who has prayed for the change I had hoped Barack Obama would bring, I am now officially putting my hopes for a better world in the freezer for the next few years.<br /><br />Why? For two reasons:<br /><br />1) As one analyst after another on the tube today is saying-but-not-saying, White Woman trumps Black Man. Those Americans who simply can't stomach the notion of a black guy in the White House can make themselves feel better by voting for a white woman.<br /><br />Of course, these are the same people who would have justified voting for a McCain/Mitt Romney ticket, or McCain/Pawlenty, or McCain/Sock Puppet for that matter. But because it's a woman, everyone can act like they're all progressive an' shit.<br /><br />Trust me, no one with the Republican Party is going to bitch about Palin's lack of experience... a little under two years as a Governor. Sure, they bitched about Obama's "lack of experience," but of course he's playing for the wrong team.<br /><br />If/when elected, Sarah Palin will be the least politically-experienced VP since Spiro Agnew.<br /><br />(There's a line the Dems should play up. Just like Bush kept bashing away with "evildoers," "Spiro Agnew" should be the soundbite <span style="font-style: italic;">du jour</span>. But do they have the imagination for it?)<br /><br />...But I'm sure Sarah Palin has the naked ambition and pure inflexibility required to be a Republican Vice President. That, and a willingness to torture foreigners in order to save fetuses, or however the logic goes.<br /><br />2) <a href="http://matthewastrology.blogspot.com/2008/08/winner-of-2008-presidential-election-is.html">The Heavens Themselves have already declared Shenanigans on this upcoming election.</a><br /><br />Or rather, The Heavens, via Diebold.<br /></div><br />.Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-11348672332557403972008-08-26T08:18:00.000-07:002008-08-26T08:30:05.337-07:00Recurring Thoughts While Watching CNN's Coverage Of The Democratic Convention<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SLQg2NyTiZI/AAAAAAAABdw/LZzOfpVNhQQ/s1600-h/obrien_soledad+sexy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SLQg2NyTiZI/AAAAAAAABdw/LZzOfpVNhQQ/s400/obrien_soledad+sexy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5238848382324410770" border="0" /></a><br />Soledad O'Brien<br />Your analysis is weak<br />But I want you babe.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);">.</span>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-49038702496940817082008-08-22T22:11:00.000-07:002008-08-22T22:40:14.564-07:00And The Obama VP Nominee Is...<div style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">Recently I have exposed myself (partly by choice, partly by circumstance) to more CNN than usual, and a lot more Fox News. I've learned a lot about the news this way. Apparently, all one has to do is get to the "facts" first and then have a couple of people shout at each other as to whether or not this is a "good" fact or a "bad" fact.<br /><br />So, having just checked my e-mail, I'm going to sit here and scratch my head as to whether or not it's a "good" thing or a "bad thing" as to whom Barack Obama has chosen for his Vice Presidential nominee. Better yet: I can sit here with a couple of sock puppets, shouting at each other and calling each other idiots for holding the views they hold. Or <em>appear to </em>hold, rather. Sock puppets, like Fox News "consultants," will dance to whatever tune they're paid to.<br /><br />See? I can do hard news too. Come back after the Life Insurance and Investment Company ads for even more hard-hitting "news"!<br /><br />...Oh, right. The next Vice President of The United States? The nominee is Joe Biden. I almost forgot to mention that because I was so busy talking about myself and what a great job I'm doing of uncovering "facts."<br /><br />I learned <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">that</span> from CNN and Fox News too. </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"> </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"> </div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-7102813281500669202008-08-20T10:57:00.000-07:002008-08-20T11:30:02.966-07:00Bill O'Reilly The Impaler Vs. Fictional European History<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SKxh6jiuZBI/AAAAAAAABcc/hchbgH8A4U0/s1600-h/vlad+dracula.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SKxh6jiuZBI/AAAAAAAABcc/hchbgH8A4U0/s400/vlad+dracula.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5236668125326238738" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">On today's <a href="http://www.billoreilly.com/currentcolumn">Billoreilly.com,</a> Bill shows off his historical knowledge (which is a momentary break from his utter mangling of current events) by comparing Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin to Vlad Tepeş, AKA Vlad The Impaler, AKA Dracula.<br /><br />Bram Stoker based the character of Dracula on the historical Vlad, who was notorious for his cruelty. Some examples:<br /><br />-Vlad The Impaler got his nickname from his habit of impaling his enemies... men, women, children... basically anyone who pissed him off. Among other atrocities, Vlad was noted for "The Forest Of The Impaled," which consisted of thousands of impaled Turkish soldiers lining the roadways. This was done to scare off the Ottoman Empire. You know... <span style="font-style: italic;">Muslims</span>. He was also once greeted by three Turkish diplomats, who refused to remove their fezzes at Vlad's court (not doing so being a cultural sign of respect for Muslims at the time). So The Impaler had their fezzes nailed onto their heads and sent the Turks home.<br /><br />-Vlad also allegedly invited hundreds of the poor and indigent to a great feast. Vlad nailed the doors of the hall shut once it was full and burned the place down. Furthermore, in his capital city, Târgovişte, there was a fountain with a solid gold cup that anyone could drink from... and supposedly never got stolen, because Vlad was so tough on crime.<br /><br />Dracula, was merely defending his land and way of life from Moslems and freeloaders. Vladimir Putin, on the other hand, is a very wealthy man in a position of power, who has a fondness for using force and having his enemies killed, often by sneaky and unusual assassination techniques.<br /><br />Get your metaphors right, Bill. Vladimir Putin isn't "Vlad The Impaler"... he's a <span style="font-style: italic;">James Bond villain.</span><br /><br />Based on foreign and domestic policy, Vlad The Impaler was obviously a <span style="font-style: italic;">neocon</span>.<br /><br /><br /></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-40943548295639018682008-08-18T09:37:00.000-07:002008-08-18T09:55:28.957-07:00US Military In Iraq Votes With Their Dollars -- For Obama<div style="text-align: justify;">The traditional logic is that veteran and Republican John McCain, simply because he is a veteran and a Republican, should naturally earn the vote of US military personnel, especially those serving in Iraq.<br /><br />In fact, when it comes to campaign contributions, Obama has received <a href="http://www.washingtonindependent.com/view/obama-out-raises3">five times the donation dollars that McCain has.</a> And just to rub a little salt in the political wound, former candidate Ron Paul (who stood out among the Republicrowd as being firmly <span style="font-style: italic;">against</span> the war in Iraq) raised four times as much as McCain. And Ron Paul stopped running in June.<br /><br />So far, Fox news isn't touching this story. They're too busy with a tropical storm that <span style="font-style: italic;">might</span> turn into a hurricane that <span style="font-style: italic;">might</span> hit part of southern Florida, and a missing child who <span style="font-style: italic;">might</span> have been murdered by her mother. CNN has given this story a brief mention, but are clear to report that this is in no way a proper, scientific opinion poll.<br /><br />That's true. This is not the result of a carefully constructed theoretical proposition asked by glorified telemarketers during people's dinner: this is an <span style="font-style: italic;">actual study</span> of how <span style="font-style: italic;">actual military personnel in Iraq</span> have <span style="font-style: italic;">actually voted with their dollars</span>. And next time you're talking to a soldier in Iraq, ask them how well the job pays. You'll find that these people generally don't have a lot of spare cash to throw around.<br /><br />Ever wonder what the actual people doing the job know that The Republican Party and the talking haircuts at Fox News don't?<br /><br /></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-53448691323761891722008-08-14T09:17:00.000-07:002008-08-14T08:53:25.865-07:0043 Reasons To Not Care Who "Values Voters" Like<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Barack</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Obama</span> and John McCain will appear on the same stage for the first time this campaign Saturday, at the very posh <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Saddleback</span> Church for a gathering sponsored by "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">TheCall</span>," a collection of people who are in favour of Christian principles and opposed to leaving a space after the word "The." No one is expecting any profound policy statements: instead, it is more than likely going to be <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Obama</span> and McCain trying to look more marketable to the shotguns and pickups crowd. Morality-wise, Americans want their leaders to be upright Christians, just like every upright Christian president that came before.<br /><br />Let's have a look at the moral standards <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Barack</span> and John have to live up to, President by President:<br /><br />George Washington: Grew pot. Sure, it was "hemp," but he distinctly states in his diary that he separated the male from the female plants. There is only one reason to do that: ask your dealer about it.<br /><br />John Adams: Spent nine years away from his wife in Europe, so could be considered a bad husband.<br /><br />Thomas Jefferson: Legally <span style="font-style: italic;">owned</span> his mistress, Sally <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Hemings</span>.<br /><br />James Madison: Fairly clean record, but at 5'4" unelectable by today's standards. Also, clearly <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">un</span>-American by today's standards: "<em>If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy."</em><br /><br />James Monroe: Notoriously silent on matters of religion. Never made any public statements on religion, and none of his friends and family recall him discussing the matter. Thought of by many as a Deist: one who believes in God but refusing to be bound by standard Christian dogma.<br /><br />John Quincy Adams: Enjoyed dueling. Drank like a fish. As Minister To Russia, allegedly kept an American servant girl as a personal plaything for the Czar.<br /><br />Andrew Jackson: Leading advocate of a policy called "Indian removal," motivated in part by the discovery of gold on Cherokee land, resulting in the death of about 4,000 Native Americans during the "Trail Of Tears" incident. Married his wife before she was technically divorced.<br /><br />Martin Van <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Buren</span>: Pr<span style="font-size:100%;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">oposed</span> to a woman in her mid-20s (granddaughter of Thomas Jefferson) not long after the death of his first wife.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;">William Henry Harrison: Only served for a little over a month, so no time for shenanigans. However, literally didn't have the sense to come in out of the rain, leading to his death by pneumonia.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;">John Tyler: Married a 22 year old "long time friend" mere months after the death of his first wife. Subject to an impeachment vote for misuse of veto powers.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;">James Polk: Fairly clean. Ongoing issues with kidney stones, resulting in (among other things) surgery that left him infertile. A classic candidate for painkiller addiction, in modern terms.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;">Zachary Taylor: Ignored orders as a general in the Mexican War. A northerner who owned slaves on his Southern property. Corrupt cabinet. Drank a lot.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;">Millard Fillmore: Scandal free, but painfully boring and uncharismatic. Thus, unelectable by today's standards.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;">Franklin Pierce: Raging drunk. Accused of cowardice under fire as a general. Ran over an old lady with his carriage. Died of cirrhosis.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;">James Buchanan: Never married, but spent an awful lot of time with Senator </span>William Rufus King. Lived with King (whom Andrew Jackson called "Miss Nancy") for over two decades.<br /><br />Abraham Lincoln: Poorly educated. Prone to depression. May have had syphilis. Married a crazy woman.<br /><br />Andrew Johnson: Couldn't read or write until he was 18, when his wife taught him. Was subject to two impeachment attempts.<br /><br />Ulysses S. Grant: Roaring drunk, by many accounts, for the bulk of the Civil War and his Presidency. Major financial scandals during his term.<br /><br />Rutherford B. Hayes: "A third rate nonentity, whose only recommendation is that he is obnoxious to no one," according to a contemporary. Thus, unelectable by modern standards.<br /><br />James Garfield: (Not to be confused with the gluttonous cat of the same name) Involved in the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Crédit</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Mobilier</span> of America scandal, sole bidder for many important railway contracts... kind of like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Halliburton</span> today. Had a fling with a married woman.<br /><br />Chester A. Arthur: Forced to resign from his job at a customs house due to a financial scandal. May have covered up having been born in Canada, and thus would be disqualified from becoming President.<br /><br />Grover Cleveland: His fling with Maria C. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Halpin</span> is resulted in the birth of an illegitimate child. Had Maria committed to an insane asylum, and their child was sent to an orphanage.<br /><br />William McKinley: Involved in a major personal financial scandal, but was bailed out by his friends.<br /><br />Theodore Roosevelt: Generally clean, but implicated in the Panama Canal Scandal. Daughter Alice was a notorious party girl.<br /><br />William Howard Taft: Generally clean, but seriously overweight and a notoriously loud snorer. Thus, unelectable by current standards.<br /><br />Woodrow Wilson: One wife died, and was engaged to another in less than a year.<br /><br />Warren Harding: Two confirmed mistresses. The Republican Party bought off one (the wife of a friend) for $20,000 and a free trip to Japan. The other one gave birth to Harding's illegitimate daughter.<br /><br />Calvin Coolidge: Generally clean. Was probably too busy gutting Federal control over the economy, thus setting the stage for The Depression.<br /><br />Herbert Hoover: Generally scandal free, but oversaw the "Mexican Repatriation," which saw about half a million Mexicans and Mexican Americans "repatriated" via forced migration. Thus, still electable (if you're a Republican).<br /><br />Franklin D. Roosevelt: Started an affair with his wife's 22 year old secretary. Broke it off later when his wife found out. They started up again later.<br /><br />Harry S. Truman: Generally clean, but did bump a wounded WW II veteran from his flight home, so Truman could get home sooner.<br /><br />Dwight D. Eisenhower: nearly ditched his wife for a 24 year old.<br /><br />John F. Kennedy: Marilyn Monroe. Judith <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Exner</span>. Blaze Starr. Mary <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Pinshot</span> Meyer. Probably others.<br /><br />Lyndon B. Johnson: Alleged longtime affair with Alice Glass, girlfriend of a newspaper publisher. Supposedly only broke it off because of her opposition to Vietnam.<br /><br />Richard Nixon: Watergate. Also, Watergate. And let's not forget Watergate.<br /><br />Gerald Ford: Pardoned Nixon. What, that isn't bad enough for you?<br /><br />Jimmy Carter: Had a drunk brother. If you've made it this far down the list, Jimmy's probably looking pretty good right about now.<br /><br />Ronald Reagan: Cheated on Wife Number One with Wife Number Two. Also, Iran-Contra, among others.<br /><br />George Bush The First: Alleged long-term affair with Jennifer Fitzgerald.<br /><br />Bill Clinton: Gennifer Flowers. Paula Jones. Monica Lewinsky.<br /><br />George Bush The Second: will probably be sobered up enough by now, after his triumphant <a href="http://gawker.com/5035885/bush-looking-drunk-at-the-olympics">appearance drunk at the Beijing Olympics,</a> to continue being the moral paragon that "Values Voters" elected last time.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">***<br /></div><br />Now, you were saying something about how a President has to be pious and upright...?<br /><br /><br /></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-42158098075100346472008-08-12T10:36:00.000-07:002008-08-12T11:22:49.870-07:00Gigantic Rampaging Turds Try To Destroy Infrastructure: Two True Stories<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SKHUq5iEe0I/AAAAAAAABaU/Khm46XQiRMA/s1600-h/complex+shit+paul+mccarthy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SKHUq5iEe0I/AAAAAAAABaU/Khm46XQiRMA/s320/complex+shit+paul+mccarthy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5233698075444542274" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">1) An installation by American artist <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_McCarthy">Paul McCarthy</a> (best known for such works as "Santa Claus With A Butt Plug") <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/aug/12/3">broke loose from its moorings</a> at The Paul Klee Centre in Berne, Switzerland, taking out a power line and finally coming to rest next to a children's home, smashing a window.<br /><br />The installation, "Complex Shit," is an inflatable turd the size of a house.<br /><br />2) Republican Presidential candidate John McCain (you know, the maverick who doesn't vary from the neocon agenda any more)has begun to rant about getting rid of "pork barrel" budget items... things with special funding requests for specific projects attached to larger bills. The average cost for such earmarked items is <a href="http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0808/12373.html">1.3 million dollars each...</a> a pittance in Federal budgetary terms.<br /><br />It will be a nice excuse to ignore crumbling levees and collapsing bridges, which after all aren't very sexy.<br /><br /><br /></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-70804123274770233792008-08-11T12:28:00.000-07:002008-08-11T12:51:36.106-07:00I Married A Mercenary: Welcome To Richkiss.com!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SKCYQKZaMEI/AAAAAAAABaM/XfbMvyhLbPQ/s1600-h/ranae-shrider-verne-troyer.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SKCYQKZaMEI/AAAAAAAABaM/XfbMvyhLbPQ/s400/ranae-shrider-verne-troyer.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5233350170440773698" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">There are so many obstacles on the path to finding One's True Love. You might think you aren't attractive enough, or have too much emotional baggage, or are hanging out in the wrong bars.<br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />Of course, there is also the tragedy of being unable to attract a mate because you've got too much money.<br /><br />Go ahead: step away from the computer, have another coffee, make sure you're really awake, and then re-read that last statement. Apparently rich folks have a harder time finding True Love than say, a typical blogger. This discovery comes courtesy of the Love Experts at a site called <a href="http://www.richkiss.com/">Richkiss.com.</a><br /><br />Here is a statement from Richkiss.com to boggle your mind a little more:<br /><br />"Because the rich people have such a hard time finding dates, there's Richkiss.com. Actually, you don't have to be a certified millionaire to join, anyone who earns $150,000 and above annually qualifies for Richkiss.com. This dating site guarantees complete anonymity so you can be sure that your potential mate likes you for your personality and not your status in life."<br /><br />It's time this repressed minority... the very wealthy... had someone stand up for them. Dating for rich folks, with rich folks. Although when I see a site like this, I can't help but wonder: how closely do they check out your bank balance if you want to join? Think there's any potential for fraud here? Nah. Rich people are, by definition, much smarter than you and I... and are thus immune to being duped if they're lonely.<br /><br />Besides, we all know what a difficult time the wealthy and powerful have <a href="http://itschironboy.blogspot.com/2007/09/legal-eye-for-hypocrite-guy-larry-craig.html">finding the kind of love they really want and need...</a> regardless of how, um, wide a stance one takes on these matters.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">.<br /></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3tYLo9FkqNc&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3tYLo9FkqNc&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br />.<br /><br /></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-2906218335568898252008-08-08T12:40:00.000-07:002008-08-08T13:17:24.709-07:00Beijing Olympics Results, Day One: The 1500 M Smog Dodge<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SJymO0JytWI/AAAAAAAABY8/40RgN9gAsxQ/s1600-h/beijing+smog+olympics.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SJymO0JytWI/AAAAAAAABY8/40RgN9gAsxQ/s400/beijing+smog+olympics.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5232239640545768802" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">EIGHTH PLACE:<br /><br />"The expert advice that we are getting is that the situation continues to improve."<br /><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/aug/08/olympics2008.china1">-Simon Clegg, British Olympic Association (UK)</a><br /><br /><br />SEVENTH PLACE<br /><br />"Haze does not mean poor quality air."<br /><a href="http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2008-08/06/content_6906693.htm">-China Daily web site (CHINA)</a><br /><br /><br />SIXTH PLACE:<br /><br />"I haven't heard from any athlete that they're not going on with the job."<br /><a href="http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/08/07/2327345.htm?section=world">-AOC VP Peter Montgomery (before any events)(AUSTRALIA)</a><br /><br /><br />FIFTH PLACE:<br /><br />"Most of the smog here is evaporation. It's due to humidity."<br /><a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/othersports/olympics/2506432/US-cyclists-provoke-Beijing-smog-row---Olympics.html">-Arne Ljungqvist, chairman of the IOC medical commission (SWEDEN)</a><br /><br /><br />FOURTH PLACE:<br /><br />“The pollution levels are coming down."<br /><a href="http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/olympics/article4483545.ece">-Jacques Rogge, AOC Chairman (BELGIUM)</a><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BRONZE MEDAL:</span><br /><br />"I suffer from asthma, and I'm having to take supplements to protect my lung lining"<br /><a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/olympics/archery/7544259.stm">-Alison Williamson, Archery (UK)</a><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">SILVER MEDAL:</span><br /><br />"The weather conditions aren't conducive to the dispersal of pollutants,''<br /><a href="http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601079&sid=azEKr37HEcN4&refer=home%20">-Guo Hu, Beijing Meterorlogical Observatory (CHINA)</a><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">GOLD MEDAL:</span><br /><br />"If Chinese officials do succeed in temporarily 'clearing the air' in Beijing for the Olympic Games, one is left to wonder what Chinese will say if . . . severe air pollution once again is allowed to return. Will they interpret this to mean that there can only be Potemkinized clean air for foreign visitors?"<br /><a href="http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/arts/la-et-chinasmog8-2008aug08,0,3078104.story">-Orville Schell (US)</a><br /><br />Now, please rise for the Olympic Anthem:<br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">.<br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3e6z4U7vbr4&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3e6z4U7vbr4&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br />.<br /><br /></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-86936830885743440862008-08-07T10:08:00.000-07:002008-08-07T10:19:00.339-07:00Hasbro: Taking Scrabulous Away May Not Be Enough<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SJstfQu9tiI/AAAAAAAABYg/hVi7-ctMroA/s1600-h/hasbro-mr-potato-head-darth-tater.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SJstfQu9tiI/AAAAAAAABYg/hVi7-ctMroA/s320/hasbro-mr-potato-head-darth-tater.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5231825407212107298" border="0" /></a>Once, a long time ago, I was in a Labatt's Beer focus group. I got twenty bucks and a free beer out of the deal. I doubt that Labatt's took my answers to heart ("which of these abstract blue splashes makes you want beer more?") but I understood the process. In an effort to sell more beer, the beer company wanted to find out what beer drinkers really want.<br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />Apparently, no one at Hasbro has that kind of corporate savvy.<br /><br />In light of <a href="http://itschironboy.blogspot.com/2008/07/facebook-shuts-down-scrabulous-how-to.html">the hideous Facebook debacle over Scrabulous and/or Scrabble,</a> I can only draw the conclusion that Hasbro, in raging stereotypical corporate style, is unintentionally bulldozing customer's goodwill in a short-sighted defense of their perceived interests.<br /><br />(Unless of course this was one of those spooky "let's screw up the brand so the stock price drops and we can sell out" deals. Very few things surprise me anymore.)<br /><br />Peter Fader, a co-director of The Wharton Interactive Media Initiative, says Scrabulous "has been such a fabulously good thing for the Scrabble franchise [that] Hasbro should have been celebrating."<br /><br />Hasbro has made some improvements to their official Facebook version of Scrabble since <a href="http://itschironboy.blogspot.com/2008/07/facebook-scrabble-scrabulous-hasbro.html">its disasterous premiere...</a> but it still (for the most part) sucks, and all the criticisms about its functionality are still valid. I know, because they fixed the ability to log into it in the forst place. And it still sucks. That's why I'm spending more time on Scrabulous.com, and less on Facebook. Thanks for helping to break that Facebook addiction of mine, Hasbro chumps!<br /><br />So why the fresh ranting about all this? Because... just in case you were afraid common sense was going to suddenly start becoming a factor in Hasbro's decision-making process... the PR geniuses there are currently <a href="http://www.latimes.com/technology/la-fi-techblog1-2008aug01,1,3801141.story">"declining to say"</a> whether or not they intend to sue Rajat and Jayan Agarwalla over Wordscraper... their new and not-as-similar-as-you-might-think word game on Facebook.<br /><br />Wow, Hasbro, you guys sure are... <span style="font-style: italic;">consistent</span>. Just like I will be staying consistently away from your products until you show a few signs of smartening up and not being such pinheads.<br /></div><br />.Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-45027538792490227232008-08-07T09:01:00.000-07:002008-08-07T09:11:18.578-07:00Shakespeare, Sonnet XII, Reviewed By John McCain (Actual Quotes)<span style="font-style: italic;">When I do count the clock that tells the time,</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />And see the brave day sunk in hideous night;</span><br /><br />-"I spent five and a half years in prison. The worst part was coming home and finding out Green Acres had been canceled. What the hell was I fighting for?"<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">When I behold the violet past prime,</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />And sable curls all silver'd o'er with white;</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />When lofty trees I see barren of leaves</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />Which erst from heat did canopy the herd,</span><br /><br />-"I believe America did the right thing by not joining the Kyoto Treaty."<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">And summer's green all girded up in sheaves</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />Borne on the bier with white and bristly beard,</span><br /><br />-"I will veto every single beer... er, bill with earmarks."<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Then of thy beauty do I question make,</span><br /><br />-"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno."<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">That thou among the wastes of time must go,</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />Since sweets and beauties do themselves forsake</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />And die as fast as they see others grow.</span><br /><br />-"Presidential ambition is a disease that can only be cured by embalming fluid."<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />And nothing 'gainst Time's scythe can make defence</span><br /><br />-"Do not yield. Do not flinch. Stand up. Stand up with our President and fight. We're Americans. We're Americans, and we'll never surrender. They will. "<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Save breed, to brave him when he takes thee hence.</span><br /><br />-"That's not too important. What's important is the casualties."<br /><br />.Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-46848156297901612572008-08-04T16:57:00.000-07:002008-08-04T16:59:05.598-07:00December 21st, 2012: The Day The World WON'T End<div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size:85%;">(I've taken the unusual step of posting this article both here and on <a href="http://matthewastrology.blogspot.com/">my other blog</a> because I believe this is a developing scam that is going to bilk a lot of people in the coming years, and that sort of thing really annoys me.)</span><br /></div><br />According to many, the world is going to end on December 21, 2012. This is when the Mayan calendar comes to an end. Personally, I always thought the Mayan Calendar came to an end at that point because the Mayans weren't planning on going to anyone's birthday party or attending any business meetings hundreds of years after the collapse of their society, but I could be wrong. And many New Age-y types have decided that this is when civilization is going to collapse, because that's when Nibiru comes back.<br /><br />"Nibiru comes back?" The <span style="font-style: italic;">miniskirt</span> making a comeback, sure. But what the hell is "Nibiru"?<br /><br />According to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zecharia_Sitchin">Zecharia Sitchin,</a> who claims to be an expert in Ancient Sumerian studies (but got his degree in Economic History), Nibiru is a giant planet, the size of Jupiter or larger, on an eccentric orbit that brings it into the inner Solar System about once every 3600 years or so. His decoding of ancient Sumerian and Mayan texts apparently confirm this. The story is that Nibiru will be returning soon... making its closest approach to Earth on December 21, 2012.<br /><br />Those ancient Sumerians and Mayans... they couldn't hold their empires together, but apparently they were <span style="font-style: italic;">waaaay</span> better astronomers than we are.<br /><br />I'm not fluent in Mayan or Sumerian, so I have no place Sitchin's archaeology. But others have, and there is a fairly exhaustive rundown of <a href="http://www.sitchiniswrong.com/sitchinerrors.htm">Sitchin's errors here.</a> But astronomy and astrophysics? Those are subjects I <span style="font-style: italic;">do</span> know. And I can tell you with great confidence that THERE ARE NO GIANT RAMPAGING PLANETS OUT THERE COMING TO EAT YOU. Honest.<br /><br />Consider this: everything with mass in the universe has a gravitational field. The greater the mass, the stronger the field. That's why apples fall to Earth, and why the Earth doesn't fall towards apples. The Earth orbits the Sun. If the Earth were travelling faster, it would achieve "escape velocity": the speed needed to fly away from the Sun and off into the Cosmos. If the earth were to slow down, it would fall into the Sun. Every planet in the solar system has a gravitational effect on every other planet, though (relative to the huge mass of the Sun) the pull that, say, Neptune has on Venus is pretty weak.<br /><br />Put another way: when you were born, the mass of the obstetrician had slightly more influence on you than the planet Mars did... but slightly less than that of Jupiter, the largest planet in our solar system.<br /><br />If two bodies of sufficient mass pass close enough to each other, they will have an effect on each others orbits around the Sun. Many asteroids have had their orbits affected by the occasional(relatively) close brush with Jupiter: picking up speed and moving out into more distant, less circular orbits around the Sun as a result.<br /><br />Even though Niburu has such a long orbit, given the age of the Solar System (about 4.5 billion years), it would have passed by Earth (and all the other planets) about one and a quarter million times in the life of the Solar System. And yet despite all these close brushes with a giant planet, Mercury through Neptune remain in relatively stable, circular orbits. The odds of that being the case with a Niburu whipping through the neighborhood that many times is comparable to the odds of making your first break in a game of pool by throwing a bowling ball onto the table... and having all the pool balls drift elegantly back into their original triangular configuration. Try it sometime... with someone else's pool table, ideally.<br /><br />Furthermore... you'd think that with something that big in our own Solar System, there would be some kind of observational clues... after all, we found Pluto, and it's a tiny, insignificant little thing compared to Uranus and Neptune. Uranus, in turn, is much smaller than Nibiru allegedly is; and Uranus was discovered in the 1700s. As far as observational data for Nibiru: there was a misidentified sighting of a distant galaxy by the IRAS satellite in 1984 that has gotten a lot of coverage as being "Nibiru," and the occasional misidentified <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sun_dog">sun dog.</a><br /><br />The primary reason all of this bothers me... other than it being a sign of how damned bad public education really is these days... is that there seem to be a lot of people out there exploiting the fear of Nibiru Doom for profit.<br /><br />Like <a href="http://yowusa.com/">these people.</a> Or <a href="http://2012comet.com/">these people.</a> Or <a href="http://www.authorhouse.com/BookStore/ItemDetail.aspx?bookid=19745">this guy.</a> But most of all: <a href="http://www.sitchin.com/">THIS guy.</a><br /><br />And regardless of which religious tradition one follows, or which ancient texts on bases one's beliefs on... most faiths agree that hoodwinking the gullible for profit is a bad thing. And I agree.<br /><br />So: no need to panic. The only threat to the world in 2012... or now... is human nature itself.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">Okay, in light of that... maybe you can panic a <span style="font-style: italic;">little.</span><br /></div></div><br />.<br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/f195_F4dDVI&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/f195_F4dDVI&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br /><br />.Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-57787902499409889162008-08-01T13:47:00.000-07:002008-08-01T14:07:15.511-07:00Astrologyzone.com Didn't See This Coming<div style="text-align: justify;">Dear Blogger.com:<br /><br />I love you guys. Really, I do. A lot of us do. But you've recently handed me (and it appears, hundreds of other bloggers) a real pain in the ass in the form of evil, rampaging robots. More specifically, you've apparently unleashed a horde of hungry 'bots designed to weed out the many "splogs" (spam blogs... if you've ever done a Google search for a given term and found a blog that consisted of hundreds of variations on phrases like "Lindsay Lohan Nude Lesbian Astrology Zone Viagra!" then you've seen one).<br /><br />(I hope I just didn't turn my blog into a splog by talking about splogs, if you're out there reading this now, Blogger.com people...)<br /><br />But guys, please, I pour out what little is left of my heart and brain into my two blogs, and thanks a lot for unlocking this one... but can I please, please have <a href="http://matthewastrology.blogspot.com/">my other blog that I've poured my soul into back?</a><br /><br />Please?<br /><br />This all goes to prove an important point I made a while ago... <a href="http://itschironboy.blogspot.com/2007/09/that-settles-it-robots-should-not-smoke.html">ROBOTS SHOULD NOT SMOKE MARIJUANA.</a> It makes them do crazy, irresponsible things.<br /><br /><a href="http://itschironboy.blogspot.com/2007/09/that-settles-it-robots-should-not-smoke.html">And hey... ever had a look at </a><a href="http://matthewastrology.blogspot.com/">my other blog? You really should before I move it away from here...</a><br /><br /><br /><br /></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-10764573478532349692008-08-01T12:24:00.000-07:002008-08-01T12:41:58.864-07:00Oil Prices Change. Greed Remains The Same.<div style="text-align: justify;">Consider this before you heave that big sigh of relief that the price of a barrel of oil is down a couple of bucks:<br /><br />Chevron just announced a record profit of <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/feedarticle/7695199">11 billion dollars</a> in the last quarter. Exxon is currently making <a href="http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5iyqhbREqQWI0VE1kowfNjvxDlcJwD929331O0">over $89,000 per minute.</a><br /><br />And you? <a href="http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5iyqhbREqQWI0VE1kowfNjvxDlcJwD929331O0">Where is <span style="font-style: italic;">your</span> piece of this juicy free-market pie?</a><br /><br />Forgive my bitterness: it's probably just from my attempts to afford a loaf of bread and a bus ticket.<br /><br />Absolutely no one... certainly not <a href="http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601039&refer=columnist_berry&sid=air._Othgtuc">the experts,</a> believe that screwing up the environment with more American drilling offshore and in the Arctic will do any good at all, any time soon. But of course that hasn't stopped the major oil companies from crying for it, using your suffering at the pumps (directly and indirectly... you don't think that loaf of bread got to the store itself, do you?) as ugly and cynical leverage to push for it anyway.<br /><br />Who would be crazy, stupid, greedy, and nearsighted enough to support that sort of thing? Who would be vile enough to push that social, economic, and environmental suicide agenda?<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;">This</span> guy, that's who. You know, the guy who gave you this problem in the first place:<br /></div><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/DZ3nY-QqFIw&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/DZ3nY-QqFIw&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br /><br /><br />Angry yet?<br /><br /><br /></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-23771355343433236782008-07-30T10:53:00.001-07:002008-07-30T13:40:23.468-07:00Facebook, Scrabble, Scrabulous: Hasbro Unwittingly Makes A Political Point<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SJCqxXuoDsI/AAAAAAAABVo/wwSKU4HazPM/s1600-h/monopoly.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SJCqxXuoDsI/AAAAAAAABVo/wwSKU4HazPM/s400/monopoly.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5228866932537036482" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:78%;" >Dad was always ruining Family Games Night with unwelcome commentaries on economic theory...</span><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">The ongoing <a href="http://itschironboy.blogspot.com/2008/07/facebook-shuts-down-scrabulous-how-to.html">cyberspace PR disaster over Scrabble on Facebook continues,</a> and brings with it (unintentionally) an important point about political theory.<br /><br />Consider for a moment some of the traditional arguments used by conservatives/neocons/libertarians that any given government function can usually be operated better and more efficiently by the private sector and competition.<br /><br />-Large, complex structures produce large, complex inefficiencies. And governments are the largest, most complex structures of all.<br /><br />-Competition reduces waste, because the private sector is inherently geared to make a profit, rather than to supporting a large infrastructure.<br /><br />-Having many choices will tend to improve service, because if you don't like the job A does, you can take your business to B, or C.<br /><br />In theory it looks pretty simple, and admittedly (even if conservative politics rub you the wrong way) it still has a certain ring of truth to it. But many may have made the mistake of assuming that "government" is the large structure prone to stupidity, and that "the private sector" are inherently the Good Guys. Consider the case of Hasbro vs. The Two Guys From India.<br /><br />Hasbro has recently enforced its North American copyright on Scrabble and forced the Scrabulous application, a clone of their game made by two guys from India, off of Facebook... at least for users in the U.S. and Canada. Scrabulous was one of Facebook's most popular applications, with hundreds of thousands of games being played each day.<br /><br />Scrabulous generally worked well and efficiently. Hasbro's official application, on the other hand -- which Hasbro has had months to work on, and huge financial resources to put into, has produced "Scrabble Beta"... that's right, it's still only a beta version... despite Hasbro's statement that the legal action "...in deference to the fans, [Hasbro] waited in pursuing legal action until Electronic Arts had a legitimate alternative available."<br /><br />That "legitimate alternative" suffers from the following problems:<br /><br />-At least half the time, the application doesn't proceed past "checking IP address" -- making sure that you are in fact in the United States or Canada.<br /><br />-The IP address block makes it impossible for someone in the U.S. or Canada to play a game with anyone in the rest of the world, and vice versa... an important consideration given the nature of Facebook.<br /><br />-Attempts to join games are usually greeted with the message "Error joining matches, try again later." This, despite the fact that at any given time there are hundreds, if not thousands, of willing players waiting.<br /><br />-If one does manage to join a game, unnecessary animations slows the down significantly.<br /><br />-The entire colour scheme of the "official" version is less authentic than it is with the "clone" version.<br /><br />-The tiles are smaller and more difficult to read than with Scrabulous.<br /><br />-Players must give a name to each individual game, rather than simply being assigned a number<br /><br />-Apparently the game does not have the capacity to trade in your tiles if they all suck (like with the real game or Scrabulous)<br /><br />-Scrabble Beta does not have a chat feature, so you can't exchange messages with the other player(s) as one could with Scrabulous. Note to Hasbro: Facebook is a social networking site. You might have considered that <span style="font-style: italic;">social interaction</span> was an important part of the game.<br /><br />And now, the final bit of "the private sector is becoming the enemy" unintentional comedy: ...Hasbro is <a href="http://www.latimes.com/technology/la-fi-scrabulous30-2008jul30,1,4180645.story">blaming the terrorists,</a> in a sense, for their problems with Scrabble Beta.<br /><br />Maybe the neocons got it right, but forgot that there are many kinds of jihadists in the world. Maybe the conservative/neocon/libertarian point is right about how to best deliver a service. Unfortunately, we now live in a world where The Big Evil Lunkhead isn't necessarily and automatically "the government" any more.<br /><br /><br /></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-40402942927818663412008-07-29T11:06:00.000-07:002008-07-29T12:19:39.102-07:00Facebook Shuts Down Scrabulous: How To Not Win Friends And Influence People<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SI9tN_rDzvI/AAAAAAAABVg/NJeTtUJeCG0/s1600-h/scrabulous+facebook.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SI9tN_rDzvI/AAAAAAAABVg/NJeTtUJeCG0/s400/scrabulous+facebook.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5228517779598200562" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">Facebook has shut down access from The U.S. and Canada to <a href="http://dcist.com/2008/07/29/facebook_shuts_down_scrabulous.php">Scrabulous, a Scrabble clone</a> that has turned out to be an insanely popular feature with Facebook users, myself included.<br /><br />If you've been following this story at all, you'll know that this is a matter of copyright infringement, and that in North America "Scrabble" is owned by Hasbro. Hasbro has, of course, known about Scrabulous for some time, and could in theory have shut it down earlier.<br /><br />I assumed <span style="font-style: italic;">(ha!)</span> that one of the reasons Hasbro held off on taking this action was because they knew that Scrabulous is popular with hundreds of thousands of users. Since Hasbro was working on a Facebook-friendly online version of the game, it would make sense to wait until their application was ready to roll before pulling the plug on the clone. Whether or not Hasbro was losing money because of Scrabulous is debatable. But if you are going to yank a product that a lot of people really like for purely legal reasons in order to replace it... <span style="font-style: italic;">the replacement should work</span>.<br /><br />Ahem.<br /><br />Users attempting to install the Official Scrabble application are getting this message today:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">We're working on some tech problems and Scrabble will be ready to play as soon as possible!</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">We appreciate all the great feedback we've received over the past week and as a result we're making changes to Scrabble for its official launch in mid-August, including a streamlined app with the option to turn-off animations for faster gameplay and full keyboard functionality for those who prefer this way to play.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Please continue to let us know how we can make Scrabble - the best word game on Facebook - even better!</span></span><br /><br />"The best word game on Facebook"? You mean, the <span style="font-style: italic;">other</span> word games don't work at all, either?<br /><br />As it stands, the games are off. And I couldn't help but notice that the "official" application is called Scrabble <span style="font-style: italic;">Beta</span>. As in, "it's unlikely this thing is going to work nearly as well as a completed product should."<br /><br />Besides... I was about to play "sequoias" on one of my games. Do you have any idea <span style="font-style: italic;">how many points</span> that would have been worth?<br /><br />So, despite months to plan ahead, Hasbro has resoundingly dropped the PR ball. But I'm willing to forgive you for now, Hasbro... just like I forgave you for selling me that copy of Cranium Cadoo that was <a href="http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08169.html">covered in deadly Chinese lead-based paint.</a> And don't even get me started on that <a href="http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml07/07245.html">Easy-Bake Oven problem with the third degree burns and the partial finger amputations on five-year-old girls.</a><br /><br />Oops. Guess that was kind of cheeky of me to mention that. "Cheeky"...that's an 18-point word. A shame I can't use it now...<br /><br /></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-84166387811805720422008-07-28T16:41:00.001-07:002008-07-28T16:44:19.892-07:00Your Search Engine Sucks: Cuil, Day One<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SI5ZNDL316I/AAAAAAAABVQ/t254zGjBYVA/s1600-h/cuil+sucks.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SI5ZNDL316I/AAAAAAAABVQ/t254zGjBYVA/s400/cuil+sucks.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5228214298151999394" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">To much fanfare, a new search engine claiming to have more links than Google, to work better than Google, and to have hired former Google engineers opened its virtual doors today to await an incoming huge rush of love, money and popularity. Cuil (pronounced "cool," as in "Isn't it cool how much money there is to be made on the Internet for just the cost of a press release and a promise to give Google a run for its money?") is available <a href="http://www.cuil.com/">here,</a> if you have large amounts of time to waste and/or are a big fan of frustration. If you don't, rest assured that The Church Of Mothra has already gone to the trouble of testing it for you... thank us with your generous donations.<br /><br />Let's see how Cuil measures up against Google...<br /><br />Number of entries found for search: "Church Of Mothra"<br /><br />Google: 83,800<br />Cuil: 111<br /><br />Direct Link To "The Church Of Mothra" Blog:<br /><br />Google: First Item<br />Cuil: NONE<br /><br />***<br /><br />Number of entries found for search: "onion sombrero" (exact phrase)<br /><br />Google: 1150<br />Cuil: 1052 (most of which do NOT contain the exact phrase as specified)<br /><br />Location of Church Of Mothra article on "onion sombrero"<br /><br />Google: Page One<br />Cuil: NOWHERE<br /><br />***<br /><br />Number of entries found for search: "Cuil sucks" (exact phrase)<br /><br />Google: 1260<br />Cuil: 1 (and it isn't about Cuil at all)<br /><br />***<br /><br />Amount of investor money reported poured into development of Cuil: over $30 million dollars.<br />Number of Cuil investors actually happy about it today: NONE.<br /><br /><br /></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-66628775616964407882008-07-26T17:42:00.000-07:002008-07-27T15:47:35.994-07:00Do It Yourself Paranoia: Mothra Puts On The Onion Sombrero<div style="text-align: justify;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SIvHJefxiFI/AAAAAAAABVA/lDl4h26rkbg/s1600-h/cokezero.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SIvHJefxiFI/AAAAAAAABVA/lDl4h26rkbg/s400/cokezero.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5227490758112675922" border="0" /></a>You may have recently been exposed to a commercial for Coke Zero involving a disembodied tongue, eyeball, and brain, debating the merits of Coke Zero while a second tongue stands in the distance and watches...<br /><br />No, this is not something that happened to me on LSD. It's a real commercial.<br /><br />The thing ends with the brain breaking up the tongue/eyeball debate. He threatens to make the tongue eat dirt, and ends with this very peculiar threat to the eyeball:<br /><br />"You are going to have to wear the onion sombrero. All. Day. Long. Señor."<br /><br />I've seen the ad several times and I can confirm that yes, the brain does say "onion sombrero." At first I wondered if this was some slang term I simply hadn't heard before, like "Dirty Sanchez."<br /><br />I think I have uncovered the secret of The Onion Sombrero. I think Coke is trying to launch <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meme#Examples_of_memes">a meme.</a> It's a catchy phrase, and a Google search reveals that the phrase didn't exist prior to the commercial. And hey, if Google can't find something, it doesn't exist, right?<br /><br />Long-time readers of this blog may recall my ongoing attempts to find <a href="http://itschironboy.blogspot.com/search/label/corporate%20sponsorship">a corporate sponsor.</a> Given the underwhelming response to my entreaties, I've decided to attach myself to this meme while it's young... like a pilot fish attached to the Great White Shark of Coca-Cola's marketing department.<br /><br />Thanks in advance Coke... in exchange for your unintentional generosity, I promise I won't mention that recent settlement where you paid out $137 million US to your shareholders regarding a little matter of <a href="http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5hAZcK6qB2QlI-_gyGbl1ZhmO2CoQD91OOHK00">stock price manipulation.</a> Or at least I'll keep it to a minimum.<br /><br />Time to sit back and rake in the Google-fueled attention!<br /><br />And if Google brought you here (just like all those fine people looking for <a href="http://itschironboy.blogspot.com/2007/09/marketing-of-evil-vs-kat-von-d-naked.html">"Kat Von D Naked"</a>), please... feel free to check out <a href="http://itschironboy.blogspot.com/">the rest of my blog.</a> Who knows... you may end up accidentally having a good time.<br /><br /><br /></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7201347037978623485.post-86610146221925107132008-07-25T16:49:00.000-07:002008-07-26T18:01:50.313-07:00It Really IS "McNews"<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SIpm9u8Dp2I/AAAAAAAABUw/4_PcHil0py4/s1600-h/abusivemcdonalds.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_4_oTAxX4Onc/SIpm9u8Dp2I/AAAAAAAABUw/4_PcHil0py4/s400/abusivemcdonalds.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5227103528274863970" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;">"Bitch, where's my traffic report?"</span><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">McDonald's wants to penetrate your consciousness some more... this time by making obnoxious <a href="http://www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=72212">product placements in major American news markets.</a><br /><br />For one thing, this may mean you aren't very likely to see <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2008/jul/25/mcdonalds.usa">this story</a> about a restaurant in Dearborn, Michigan that's willing to sell halal McNuggets but won't hire employees in traditional Muslim garb. Or <a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/07/08/BA5P11LAT9.DTL">this story</a> about how McDonald's is participating in action to prevent a law that would require them to post nutritional information. One McDonald's veep says the "...could create confusion, increase the ordering times, increase our total experience times, reduce throughput at critical times of the day and adversely impact our customer's experience and our business." Apparently he expects the law to cause McD's to be swarmed by cardiologists doing research.<br /><br />Not that any of these stories are getting a whole lot of airplay anyway.<br /><br />Worst of all, it means <a href="http://itschironboy.blogspot.com/search?q=mcdonalds+big+mac">my own ground-breaking research</a> on the inner workings of a Big Mac is less likely to see broadcast any time soon.<br /><br />Oh well. It's not like <a href="http://www.nogw.com/warcrimes.html">those are the ONLY news stories being shamelessly ignored.</a><br /><br /><br /></div>Matthew The Astrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10333186620060372667noreply@blogger.com0