Ann Coulter Is A Single Female, And Is Therefore Stupid And Shouldn't Vote, According To Ann Coulter

Oh Ann Coulter, you stupid girl.

If you need any more proof of the creeping neuropathy afflicting the American Right, look no further than Ann Coulter. Prepare yourself for more stupidity from the author of "If Democrats Had Any Brains They'd Be Republicans" which hits book store shelves like a big flaming sack of crap today.

Here's the current state of Ann's brain, according to a recent interview with her The New York Observer:

-In the rush to blame Bill Clinton for 9/11, we've overlooked the complicity of History's greatest Monster: Jimmy Carter:

"Jimmy Carter got the whole thing started, Bill Clinton let it build, build, build, build, build. He wouldn't deal with it, because he had no credibility on deploying the military. He was a pot smoking draft dodger, and so when he was presented with credible evidence that this or that country was behind a terrorist attack, he’d just have to look the other way: “No, don't let me hear that. Call in Monica!”

...which raises the question: did Jimmy Carter secretly direct Ronald Reagan's foreign policy for eight years? And if so, why isn't Jimmy taking credit for the fall of the Soviet Union? Oh, right: Jimmy's too busy building hiding places for al-Qaida in Georgia.

-Ann Coulter doesn't trust members of her own (alleged) gender:

"If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine, but I don't think it's going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women."

You're right. All single women are idiots except you, Ann honey. It's utter stupidity to let those left behind most by the US economy in the last decade vote. Well, second most, anyway. Why didn't Ann have the cojones to invoke Jim Crow while we're at it? Of late there's been more noise about using Voter Registration to keep poor folks from voting... why not add a quick, Olympic-style gender test at the polls?

-And finally, this twisty bit of non-reasoning as to why "The Left" (read: "living organisms") treat Global Warming like it's their "religion" (read: "an established fact"):

"Because we can't prove them wrong for a thousand years, and I think the other thing about it is, it goes back to Chesterton’s statement: that when people stop believing in God, the problem isn't that they believe in nothing, it's that they'll believe anything. And that's what you constantly see with people who don't believe in God: They're always imitating the most ridiculous, primitive religions. And it is like a primitive religion, thinking if we just change these lightbulbs, we can change the temperature of the ocean. It's the craziest thing! Even primitive people wouldn't believe something that silly."

Funny, I thought "they" had been "proven right" a few years ago. Of course if Global Warming is a religion, then climatologists must be its priests. You can hide a lot of collection plates under those lab coats, you know. I'm just disappointed Ann didn't write us a list of which religions are the ridiculous, primitive ones. I'm guessing "Pentecostal" isn't on her list. Off the top of my head, I'll bet she's referring to voodoo.

You know, the one where you make a false image of something you hate and attack it from the comfort of your own home, rather than confront the issue directly. Ann, of course, knows better than to use pins and dolls, when a word processor is so much less work.

Ideology is one thing, but the American Right is acting more and more all the time like there's an actual neurological issue. Ann has recently lost the ability to understand basic human social behaviour. Rush Limbaugh continues to slander the troops his ass pimple wouldn't let him join, and Bill O'Reilly continues to lie about liars lying about him.

This sort of thing worries me. What if it's contagious? Never mind the Democrats... someone call House!

And isn't it amazing that a stupid girl like Shirley Manson of Garbage could have written a song about stupid girls like stupid Ann Coulter years ago, with hardly any help at all from boys?

What drives you on

Can drive you mad

A million lies to sell yourself

Is all you ever had...

Hey Kids! It's Time To Play "Are You Smarter Than Ann Coulter?"!

For days now I've been sitting back, quietly praying that Ann Coulter would say something really stupid about Jena. So far no luck. But my favourite warbag couldn't keep her sharp, made-for-Leni-Riefenstahl angular snout out of the recent visit by President Ahmadinejad to Columbia University.

There are the usual rhetorical delights, such as opening with a suggestion that Ahmadinejad run for the Democratic leadership "the name 'Mahmoud Ahmadinejad' is surely no more frightening than 'B. Hussein Obama.'"

Oh snap, Ann.

And then Ann melts down.

"Only when Ahmadinejad failed to endorse sodomy did he receive the single incident of booing throughout his speech.

Responding to a question about Iran's execution of homosexuals, Ahmadinejad said there are no homosexuals in Iran: "In Iran we don't have homosexuals, like in your country. In Iran we do not have this phenomenon. I don't know who's told you that we have it."

First of all, no one asked him to "endorse sodomy." The booing occurs (and is accompanied by a lot of laughter, Ann) because President Ahmadinejad claims there's no gay people in Iran, just like there's no camels in Texas (except, of course, for disreputable foreign camels).

Whatever virus makes Ann Coulter the way she is seems to be migrating from her prefrontal cortex into her amygdala, and is now screwing with her ability to read the behaviours of others.

I have an idea: Take a moment to gather your children around the computer. Uncle Chironboy wants to boost their self-esteem by showing them that they're smarter than a famous grownup!

***

Okay kids: a famous lady just said something very silly about the video clip I'm about to show you. Watch it and listen to how the audience reacts to the man in front of the microphone. Then I'm going to ask you a question. We'll see who's smarter at reading people!

Now, kids: why is the audience reacting to what this man is saying the way they do?

a) Because they are infuriated Sodomites spurned by someone they thought would make all their dreams come true by endorsing their Democrat-driven lifestyle?

or

b) Because the man just said something very silly.

***

Good God A'mighty, Ann: Is your core audience all shut-ins with TVs locked on Fox News and no Internet? They must be: it takes a minute of listening and about ten neurons to figure out what a twist-top you are.

Now let's have some pearls of wisdom about those rampaging killer darkies in Jena, Ann honey. You know you want to.

Ann Coulter Is Larry Craig's Fag Hag

You knew it was only a matter of time until Ann Coulter squeezed out one of her pearls of wisdom regarding Senator Larry " Cruisin' " Craig's men's room polling practices.

We all know by this point that a Republican could fart on an orphan and Ann would insist he should charge for aromatherapy. But her defence of Larry Craig has Ann twisting like dangling chads on a rigged Florida ballot. To wit:

-"There is nothing liberals love more than gay-baiting, which they disguise as an attack on 'hypocrisy' "

Busted! Larry Craig's hatefully consistent anti-gay voting record makes him the perfect target for a good old-fashioned fag-bashing.

This must be how Ann stays so skinny. She's spending her grocery money on airplane glue.

-"The New York Times ran 15 articles on Craig's guilty plea to "disorderly conduct" in a bathroom. The Washington Post ran 20 articles on Craig. MSNBC covered it like it was the first moon landing -- Three small taps for a man, one giant leap for public gay sex!

In other news last week, two Egyptian engineering students, Ahmed Abdellatif Sherif Mohamed and Youssef Samir Megahed, were indicted in Tampa on charges of carrying pipe bombs across states lines. They were caught with the bombs in their car near a Navy base. "

-You ever been to Florida? Oh right... you sometimes lie about living there. Saying that someone was arrested in Tampa "near a naval base" is like saying someone who lives in Rome lives near "a major religious leader." A big chunk of the Tampa area IS a naval base! I'll bet there are lots of Arabs working in corner stores and offices and car dealerships and in repair trucks suspiciously close to a naval base in Tampa, too.

The real news story everyone was missing was how twenty-five years of largely Republican-driven globalization has left your country lacking in manufacturing jobs, your markets flooded with deadly cheap slave-made Chinese imports that your Wal-Martized economy now can't live without. Also, China hacked The Pentagon's computers.

For god's sake Ann... it's the fucking Commies. You Republicanoids used to at least be good for pointing out ONE semi-legitimate menace.

Also, thinking that two pipe bombs could do any serious harm to a US Naval Base would also require using a crack pipe, Ann.

-"If liberals were any happier, they'd be gay."

If they manage to muster the balls for a few impeachments, they'll be flamingly happy.

-"Liberals said the only reason Republicans were not blanketing the airwaves defending Craig -- maybe running him for president -- was because of Republican "homophobia." After howling with rage all week about gay Republicans, to turn around and call Republicans homophobes on Friday was nothing if not audacious."

Funny, I heard just as much coverage as you (presumably) did. The questions I heard were about the judgement of a man who got caught trying to get laid in a place where people go for a crap, whips out his Senate business card to try and get away with it, then plead guilty, then tries to back out of it, then announce he's "not gay" as if that were the crime. Although, given that Craig wanted to amend the Constitution to prevent gay marriage, you're going to have a hell of a time defending the notion that "homophobia" isn't a Republican family value.

-'Underlying the (Republicans') hurry to disown the senator, of course, is the party's brutal agenda of trumpeting the gay-marriage issue. To the extent Sen. Craig, a stalwart in the family values caucus, might morph into a blatant hypocrite before the voters' eyes, he reflects on the party's record in demonizing homosexuality. The rush to cast him out betrays the party's intolerance, which is on display for the public in all of its ugliness."

Liberals don't even know what they mean by 'hypocrite' anymore. It's just a word they throw out in a moment of womanly pique, like "extremist" -- or, come to think of it, "gay." How is Craig a "hypocrite," much less a 'blatant hypocrite'?'

It's like this, Ann honey: if you make a big deal out of opposing something and saying it's morally wrong, and then you sneak around in men's rooms looking for it... you're a hypocrite. A blatant one. Do you know what "hypocrite" means? Ask your Mexican maid. I'll bet she knows.

So what is the real reason there's no deafening gallop of Republicans rushing to his defense? Because it's a fool's errand. That's what they keep you around for, Ann.

-"Did Craig propose marriage to the undercover cop? If not, I'm not seeing the 'hypocrisy.' "

Oh, Consuela! When you're done with the dishes, bring the dictionary. Señora Coulter needs to look up both "hypocrite" and "semantics." Better get a highlighter and point out "twat" to her too.

-'If the charges against Craig are true -- and that is certainly in doubt -- he's a sinner (and barely that, according to The Idaho Statesman), but he is among the least hypocritical people in America.'

Put that scrub brush down, Consuela, you're needed now.

Ann Coulter On Alberto Gonzales, And Chinese Propaganda About Tibet: A Comparison

I find it fascinating that, no matter what kind of totalitarianism we're talking about, the stink of the apologists is much the same. Consider the case of Ann Coulter's latest column: a defense of Alberto "No Recollection" Gonzales.

Here are some recent points from China.org.cn about how things are better in Tibet since China's genocidal invasion and occupation (sorry... "repatriation") in the 1950's, followed by some tidbits from the latest steaming lump of Coulterness about America's Greatest Attorney-General In Recent Memory (recent being the last week or so). Compare and contrast:

"Lamaism follows a strict hierarchical system that requires students to obey their master, contending that this system prevents people from developing their own personalities."

Kids, I recall a guy named Mao. It seems to me he wasn't really a big fan of "doing your own thing" either.

"...the door of consultation and dialogue on the personal future of the Dalai Lama is always open if he truly gives up his pursuit of "Tibet independence."

"We'll listen as soon as you start saying something we want to listen to."

"...the Standing Committee of the National People's Congress (NPC) stressed the importance to unswervingly adhere to the people's congress system and the system of regional autonomy of ethnic groups in Tibet Autonomous Region."

"The guards have promised to respect the autonomy of your head as they are clubbing it."

And now, some recent points from Ann Coulter about US Justice:

"-- Innocent people put in prison by Ashcroft: 0
-- Innocent people put in prison by Gonzales: 0
-- Innocent people put in prison by Reno: at least 1 that I know of"

Of course, Janet Reno didn't have the Homeland Security provisions that Ashcroft and Gonzo had, so maybe, officially, Ann's right on this one.

"-- Number of obvious civil rights violations ignored by Ashcroft: 0
-- Number of obvious civil rights violations ignored by Gonzales: 0
-- Number of obvious civil rights violations ignored by Reno: at least 1

On Aug. 19, 1991, rabbinical student Yankel Rosenbaum was stabbed to death in Crown Heights by a black racist mob shouting "Kill the Jew!" as retaliation for another Hasidic man killing a black child in a car accident hours earlier."

By definition (having eliminated so many civil rights) Ashcroft and Gonzales can't really be said to have ignored any civil rights violations... right? Besides, there aren't any US citizens locked up in Gitmo, are there?

Oops.

"Number of 6-year-old boys deported to totalitarian dictatorships by Ashcroft: 0
Number of 6-year-old boys deported to totalitarian dictatorships by Gonzales: 0
Number of 6-year-old boys deported to totalitarian dictatorships by Reno: 1"

Ah, little Elian, how we miss you. It was terrible, that mean old government sending you back to your nasty father. At least we've heard of you though. If you had fallen into the hands of the CIA's "rendition program" of smuggling suspected terrorists out to countries more willing to use torture than the US to interrogate you (a shorter list than it once was), you may have suffered in anonymity. No one deserves that.

Except, maybe, Ann Coulter.

Ann Coulter: Born To Suck

Some self-destructive people drink themselves to death, or cut themselves, or binge out on drugs. Me? Every once in a while I read Ann Coulter. It did my heart good to read her February 28th column, though. No, I'm not going to link to it, because I don't want to contribute to her hit count in any way. Here's the quote:

"There are more reputable scientists defending astrology than defending 'global warming,' but liberals simply announce that the debate has been resolved in their favor and demand that we shut down all production."

Global Warming isn't my field of expertise, but I certainly understand it well enough to know we are in trouble. Don't "believe" in Global Warming? Look it up for yourself. But, Astrology? That's MY ballpark, baby.

Ann Coulter (Born December 8, 1961, time unknown, New York, New York) has a Sun-Mercury-Mars conjunction in Sagittarius, all squared by Pluto... with Pluto squaring Mercury within two degrees. This as any astrologer can tell you, makes Ann a raving bitch.

Don't believe in Astrology? Again, look it up for yourself. Here's what astrologyweekly.com says:

Mercury Square Pluto:

"The square can give you a harshness of temperament and expression, where your direct, blunt style can often create conflict and confrontation between yourself and others. Even though you prefer to reflect yourself as one capable of handling the 'real situation', you tend to lack a sensitivity towards possible reactions to your potentially penetrating insights. You rarely 'wrap' them up in socially acceptable packages for consumption, but offer them raw. "

Sun Square Pluto:

"The Pluto tendencies of ambition, force, power, domination, aggression, and extremism can also stimulate similar tendencies in an assertive Sun, and will exist as motivating and compulsive factors in your character."

...And Mars Square Pluto? Don't get me started.

Ah, the simple pleasures of reasoned political debate...

Ann Coulter: Crazy, Disease-Riddled Whore (UPDATED)

Yes, you heard Ann Coulter right. Democratic Presidential Candidate John Edwards is a FAGGOT.

In all fairness, THEORETICALLY she could be correct. John Edward's wife -- recent survivor of cancer -- COULD be "a beard" (I suppose). And their two surviving children (one was killed in an automobile accident) COULD be the result of a turkey-baster proceedure.

Ann Coulter is not married, but she has dated men... more than just one! And don't forget that in 2005 she was investigated by officials in Florida... a place notorious for vice (Miami Vice, CSI: Miami)... for filing an inaccurate voter registration form. Further, she has been publically called out on numerous factual errors, and is in perpetual denial about them -- which can be a symptom of mental illness.

So, in the same fact-crazed spirit as Ms. Coulter, and with an even greater degree of truth than she herself usually applies, let me propose the title for her next book...

Ann Coulter: Crazy, Disease-Riddled Whore.

UPDATE: August 27/07: Ann Coulter is still a crazy, disease-riddled whore.