This Little Piggy Ate The Market

Once upon a time there was a fine little piggy named Walton. Of the many pigs on the farm, he was easily the smartest and the most efficient. Pigs are a good thing to have around, after all... they produce so much more protein than a bean stalk usually will. So naturally, the farmer loved him. Walton gained weight better than any of the other pigs.

One day Walton had a brilliant idea. He decided that he could get plumper if he ate the feed for the other pigs while they weren't looking.

And he did.

Then Walton decided he could get even larger if he started eating the chicken feed too... which he did. He even cut special deals with the manufacturers of the pig feed and the chicken feed so that he could get more of it than anyone else for less. And Walton got bigger.

Then Walton started eating chickens one by one. There were an awful lot of them, so no one noticed if a few went missing. Even as more and more chickens (and the occasional pig and cow) went missing, no one asked any questions. Everyone simply marveled at what a huge, fine, powerful, gigantic pig Walton had become.

Then one day Walton ate all the chickens. Then he the farmer. Then he ate all the other male pigs, mated with the females, and produced thousands of piglets. The piglets moved to other farms where they ate all the feed and the chickens and the other pigs and the farmers too.

Soon the planet was overrun with huge greedy pigs, and everyone was forced to bow down before them.

In a related story, Wal-Mart has announced it is planning to open 6600 in-store medical clinics in the US in the next five years.