Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Happy Valoween!

It's time to simplify your calendar by combining two seasonal occasions into one. I hereby declare February 14th to be "Valoween." That way, people can get all the chocolate and all the deception out of the way all at once. Example:

"Honey, I've never regretted a single day with you. You're every bit as sexy as when we first met. And look, I'm a pirate! Yahrrr!"

In future years, Valoween activities will include:

-Bobbing for phone numbers

-TPing a loved one's house with hundred of photocopies of that photo of them with their ex that they refuse to get rid of

-Door-to-Door Six Minute Dating:

"Trick or date!
Ignore my weight
Hope you've got a good job
Because I need a

(Or, alternately, "Ask me my name and then let's mate," depending on your gender.)

I think this has enormous marketing potential, and I am taking on investors.

Now, here is a visual guide to cutting through the crowds when shopping for Valoween gifts for that special someone...


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