Thursday, August 23, 2007

Hot, Dirty Republican Love

The Republican Party has a long way to go when it comes to attracting the youth vote. Although there are lots of ways that older folks can participate in youth culture, today's kids just don't seem to care for those old-time fascist values like Mom and Dad did.

Given how popular it is for large organizations and governments to screw with Wikipedia to save their reputations, why not use the same principle to tinker with Urban Dictionary and give the Republican hopefuls instant street cred by turning their names into sexual slang terms?

Ron Paul: to be uncertain of one's gender or sexual orientation, like someone who runs like a Libertarian for the Republican Party.

Example: "Tad decided to start dating Mindy, but next thing you know he'd ronpauled off to the bath house again."

Sam Brownback: To engage in specific sexual acts because of an opposition to both contraception and unplanned pregnancies.

Example: "Alice was ready for intercourse, but Hal was too conservative, so he turned her over and brownbacked her instead."

Rudy Giuliani: To engage in sex with and/or marry a somewhat-close family member, like a second cousin, and then claim lack of knowledge in order to avoid blame.

Example: "Frank banged his Aunt June's daughter at the reunion. Then he giulianied, blamed the spiked punch, and said 'she doesn't even look Italian.'"

Mike Huckabee: To want to score but not stand a chance, despite prolonged efforts.

Example: "No matter how drunk Tim got that lesbian supermodel, his whole evening was a huckabee."

Duncan Hunter: To engage in anonymous sex.

Example: "Who did I get the genital warts from? Who knows? Hell, it was an orgy. Some Duncan Hunter or other..."

John McCain: To compromise one's principles in order to participate in a gang bang.

Example: "My wife would kill me if she knew, but everyone else was doing it, so I McCained."

Mitt Romney: The act of turning one illicit act between two people into a group activity (also referred as "the Double Guantanamo")

Example: "Dave! Bob! This hooker is still passed out! Let's romney her!"

Tom Tancredo: To restrict one's affections and sexual activities to within one's own national group or culture; to be repelled by Mexicans.

Example: "Doug was going to score with Consuela, until she couldn't produce her papers. Then he totally tancredo'ed on her and left."

Fred Thompson: To experience uncertainty, inability, or confusion in the middle of a sexual act as to whether or not one is actually having (or wanting to have) sex.

Example: "Are you in or are you out? Do you need Viagra, or are you trying to be a thompson?"

No comments: