Friday, August 31, 2007

Welcome To Alberta. Now Shut Up!

Provincial Conservative Craig Chandler, who wants to be elected to represent the riding of Calgary Egmont has a message for newer Albertans:

If you want to be an Albertan, vote Conservative.

A recent round of door-knock campaigning has left Mr. Chandler concerned that the hordes of foreigners infesting Alberta from such strange and uncivilized lands as Vancouver and New Brunswick don't know what's good for them, or good for Alberta. Too many of them seem to think they can just come here and vote Liberal.

'“You came to here to enjoy our economy, our natural beauty and more,” Mr. Chandler wrote in a recent blog.

“This is our home and if you wish to live here, you must adapt to our rules and our voting patterns or leave. Conservatism is our culture. Do not destroy what we have created.”"

This will come as a surprise to most recent Albertans, who were probably under the impression that they had moved to some part of Canada... one that just happens to be sitting on top of a lot of oil, thus the booming economy. As for "the rules," I wasn't actually aware that voting Conservative was actually written into the rules to being Albertan. Maybe King Ralph passed a decree on his way out.

Crazy foreigners! No real Albertan would be worried about sustainability or infrastructure or social reform or greenhouse gas emissions or affordable housing or public transit, would they, Craig? What next, people... a Maoist rally?

Oops, never mind that. We've got the next best thing: lot of Wal-Marts.


Skinny Dipper said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Skinny Dipper said...

It's too bad the Alberta government didn't set up border controls in Lloydminster. Every prospective immigrant to Alberta could receive an immigration test that includes watching a video on Alberta culture. The video could show a man and woman holding hands, a woman showing her ankle, coloured people (You know, the ones with red necks), and supermarket steak (to make suchi lovers from Saskatchewan squeamish). If the prospective immigrants seem uncomfortable, they could been sent back to Lloydminster, Saskatchewan to take a course in Alberta sensitivity training before they could re-apply.

Oh yeah, foreigners from Nova Scotia should leave their chop-sticks at home. Albertans use real utensils--their hands.

skdadl said...

Ha. Chandler moved to Alberta from Ontario in 1993.

Figures. HE built the culture? Forget about it, little boy. He's just one of the carpetbaggers who helped to import a lot of mindless stereotypes from the east. Real Albertans are a lot smarter than that.

Matthew The Astrologer said...

Waitaminnit... *I* moved here in 1985!

I'll see if I can have him deported...