Romney'ed In The Men's Room: Sen. Larry Craig Stumps For Support

Republican US Senator Larry Craig was busted yesterday for attempting to solicit sex in an airport men's room.

Of course he denies the whole thing. "In hindsight, I should not have pled guilty. I was trying to handle this matter myself quickly and expeditiously." ("Handling oneself quickly and expeditiously" is, apparently, what the kids are calling it these days.)

Fortunately for the Senator, the Chironboy Hidden Cam was there, concealed innocuously in a poisonous Chinese-made toy in the trash can, and was able to capture the, um, action in glorious detail. Craig is described as a "top Senate supporter" of your friend and mine, Presidential candidate and animal torturer Mitt "More Gitmo For Your Dough" Romney. The hidden video reveals Senator Craig was engaged in another illicit act: Republican fundraising. Here's a transcript of the audio:

SEN. LARRY CRAIG: (sitting down on the toilet) Man, airport security is crazy these days.

UNDERCOVER COP: (in the stall to Craig's right) Um... yeah.

LC: The lines for security are so... long. And security is so... hard... to get through.

COP: Yeah. I know what you mean.

LC: Coming to the airport is kind of like sticking your dick into a glory hole... you never know what you're going to get, but it usually turns out all right.

COP: What?!?

LC: I refer of course to an anonymous sex technique commonly employed by homosexual males. (Tapping his right foot impatiently) I could stand to feel better right now. How about you?

COP: Are you propositioning me for sex?

LC: Hey, all I'm saying is that it's a big lonely world, and here we are: two strangers at the airport with nothing better to do. (slides his foot under the stall to tap the left foot of the cop) And I've got something that'll make you feel lots better right here.

COP: I'm finding this experience awkward and uncomfortable.

LC: Everyone does, the first time. But I'm sure it's something you've thought about, isn't it? Even though you were brought up being told it's wrong, you always wondered if maybe it wouldn't feel really really good, in a dirty, nasty way.

COP: To tell you the truth, I never really considered --

LC: Sure you have. We're all brought up to believe in certain things. We're told that there's a right way to do things and a wrong way to do things... and as we grow up, we sometimes find out that the things we were taught aren't always true. Sometimes doing something you know is flat-out wrong by some people's standards can be fun. Hot. Sexy.

COP: Are you trying to get me to--

LC: Yes. (reaches down and waves a Mitt Romney pledge card under the divider at the cop) I'm here to ask you to support Mitt Romney for President. His policies on the use of torture and enthusiasm for Homeland Security has me all hot and excited as hell, and I'd like you to whip out your wallet and --

COP: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law...