Showing posts sorted by relevance for query world net daily. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query world net daily. Sort by date Show all posts

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Nuke A Mosque For Democracy: The Bizarre World Of "World Net Daily"

(click on the picture for maximum obnoxiousness)

I remember when I was a kid... long before the Internet... when I used to wonder whether there was a way to clearly identify the dangerously crazy people. I never had a problem with craziness, per se. It was the dangerous ones that had me concerned.

Problem solved: gaze ye upon the wonder and horror of World Net Daily.

The poll results to the left are answers to a reader's poll from a couple of weeks ago. The question? "Should U.S. threaten nuclear annihilation of Muslim holy sites for deterrence?"

It's bad enough, I suppose, that over 80% of WND readers are in favour of "nuking holy sites" as if there were a nuclear weapon with the kind of selectiveness to, say, vaporize all McDonalds but leave all Burger Kings unharmed in a given target area. The fact that we're talking about over 80% of 6807 people is downright chilling.

(By the way, "WND" really is short for "World Net Daily," not "Weapon Of Neurological Destruction.")

Of course it's not all genocidal fun and games at WND. Here are some pearls of wisdom from some of WND's regular contributors...

-Pat Boone (yeah, that Pat Boone) on what's wrong with teenagers today. The reason he and his wife were able to raise "...Four beautiful young women [who] passed through their mom's loins and our household, entertained millions around the world, never touched pot or got drunk or developed a smoking, cursing or drinking habit … and came to their marriage partners as virgins"? They had jobs!

Bonus ickiness points for "passed through their mom's loins and our household" as if there was an obstetrics table in Pat's kitchen and a greased chute leading from it all the way out the front door.

-WND Founder and Rush Limbaugh collaborator Joseph Farah, who gives us this: "I thought newspapers and media types had long ago abandoned any pretense at neutrality or even-handedness when it came to global warming. I thought they had all long ago signed on as Al Gore scare-mongers. Could somebody point to an American newspaper that is still reporting on climate change with a skeptical or even balanced perspective?"

Well, it isn't a newpaper Joe... but how about New Scientist?

That, and lots of tastiness from Ann Coulter, Pat Buchanan, and Hal "The Apocalypse Will Be Here By 1975 At The Latest -- It's In The Bible!" Lindsay.

Oh, and Ted Byfield's regular "Oh! Canada" column. You know I'm going to give that one it's own blog entry...

Thursday, September 20, 2007

"The Marketing Of Evil" Vs. Kat Von D Naked: The Battle For Your Immortal Soul


(Okay, it should be immediately obvious there's no actual pictures of Kat Von D naked here. And if such pictures ever do surface, they won't be on some dumbass blog like mine. Here: go read the rest of my blog and be entertained.)


The crazy bastards at World Net Daily have a brand new book out for those of you who want to punish yourself for the high crime of Literacy: The Marketing Of Evil. The author (David Kupelian) is an editor at World Net Daily. The book's been getting rave reviews thus far... from other editors at WND, at least.

Among America's enemies (other than non-Americans) listed in the book:

-Body piercing
-Tattoos

Seriously: it turns out that the path to hell is paved with ink, just like Kat Von D, whose anatomy I've studied in detail (for theological purposes only, I assure you). Just to prove it, here's part of an Internet post from a former body piercing artist turned to Jesus by "The Marketing Of Evil":

"Self-inflicted castrations, lobotomies, amputations, disfigurement of every conceivable nature, suspensions – we do these things to each other and ourselves without a second thought."

Castration? Lobotomies? Amputations? Dude: if that was what you did for a living, maybe it wasn't the work of the Devil... maybe you were just working in an insanely bad piercing shop. A nipple ring I can understand... but now I'm picturing two nipple rings joined by a chain running through some one's frontal fucking lobes.

To summarize: Evil. Marketing. Evil being marketed.

Now, a public service announcement:

Monday, September 3, 2007

The "Values Voters Debate": Get Your Popcorn Ready!


I've finally figured out why it is that The Republican Party looks like they are simply pandering to the fear and paranoia of a bunch of right-wing nut jobs.

Because they are.

September 17th will see the "Values Voter Presidential Debate" (voters without values are advised to go to hell). Fine. Lots of pandering to the publicly prayerful --

Matthew 6:5-6: "And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men....when thou prayest, enter into thy closet and when thou has shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret...."

-- ahem...

...and nothing too surprising about that. But who gets to be the hood ornament on this show car from the party that brought you Larry Craig, the man who could plead guilty to an attempted sleazy men's room pick-up but can't admit he's (gasp!) gay?

The September 17th debate is going to be moderated by Joseph Farah, founding editor of World Net Daily -- where over 80% of readers asked thought that lobbing a few nuclear weapons at a few Islamic Holy Sites would make the world a better place.

Best value of the evening? All the hypocrisy you can eat for one low price!


Thursday, September 6, 2007

The Thomas More Law Center: Defending Ignorance

Once again, Khalil Gibran International Academy is provoking a gut level reaction against the horrors of Islam, or education, or something like that.

The Thomas More Law Center (which according to my favourite crazies at World Net Daily (which seems to be taking over from the recently-defunct Weekly World News as America's premiere voice of reason) "...defends and promotes the religious freedom of Christians as well as time-honored family values and the sanctity of human life," has promised that they will "monitor the school in order to ensure that it comports with state and federal law. We are concerned that the city is setting up a segregated, separate but equal public school system: one for Islam and another for everyone else.”

Thanks for turning your laser-like focus and vast resources on these important questions regarding a public school, guys. As I pointed out in a previous entry, it's a public school. Public. That means that there's lots of that information already out there, cleverly concealed in a series of tubes. But it's good to know there's high-priced legal talent keeping an eye on these things too.

In the meantime, no word yet on whether Shuang Wen School (a Chinese dual-language public school in New York City) will be turning their students into little America-hating subversives, dedicated to producing defective Chinese condoms or some other attempt to pollute The West's precious bodily fluids.

Maybe the Thomas More folks should just open their own school. I could even write their final exam questions in history class for them!

1) The enemy is:
  • a) Eurasia. Eurasia has always been the enemy.
  • b) Eastasia. Eastasia has always been the enemy.
  • c) Me. I'm a terrorist. Please forward the remainder of the test questions to Guantanamo.


As always, it's people's petty differences that tear us apart. Khalil Gibran was a Christian; so is Thomas More Law Center spokesman Brian Rooney. Sadly, Gibran was a sensitive and gifted writer. Rooney's just an idiot.

And once again, the Rooney name stands for quality education!




Tuesday, September 18, 2007

God Appears At The Values Voters Debate, Looks For Romney, Then Leaves

"With 'invisible' candidates who failed to show up getting grilled with questions, hundreds of empty seats, not a single mainstream television network on hand, and the name of God invoked countless times, the 'unseen world' clearly dominated last night's Republican presidential debate in South Florida."

That wasn't my review, that was World Net Daily, whose High Priest, Joseph Farah, hosted last nights garage sale of piety and platitudes. Here are the highlights:

-Tom Tancredo solidly pledged his devotion to God The Father and Jesus Christ, up to (but not including) Leviticus 19:34... "But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt." In other words: Jesus loves Mexicans a lot better when they stay in Mexico, where God put them in the first place.

Another nugget from Tancredo: "Bill Clinton redefined morality to the level of an alley cat." Funny: I don't recall Bubba ever yowling for dick in the men's room like an unfixed gay tomcat.

-Ron Paul got all Libertarian with it. On gay marriage: "I think we have fallen into a trap that we have to redefine marriage" and "put it at the state level like the Constitution says." Bad move, Ron. If God was a Libertarian, there'd only be three commandments, and one of them would restrict taxation.

-Alan Keyes (when did HE show up?) on abortion: "I would issue an executive order immediately granting the full protection of the presidency and every element of the executive branch to the life in the womb." That's right, ladies: under a Keyes Presidency, you need never fear your fetus being forced to reveal what it really knew about Iraq before the invasion.

-Sam Brownback: "Roe [v. Wade] is not in the Constitution. There is not in the Constitution a fundamental right to an abortion." I'm going to try this argument in front of a judge next time I get busted with an underage hooker and a bag of pot in Alabama. Screw the law... this is The Constitution! Who needs laws when you've got one of those?

-Duncan Hunter: "If a judicial candidate can look at a sonogram of an unborn child and not see a valuable human life, I will not appoint that judicial candidate to the federal bench. It's as simple as that." He also won't hire a Secretary Of State who can look at an inkblot and not see a mushroom cloud over Tehran.

-John Cox: "Are we gonna focus on substance, or are we gonna focus on celebrities?" Which raises an important question: who the hell is John Cox?

The audience was hard on no-shows Rudy Giuliani, Fred Thompson, John McCain, and Mitt Romney, which is weird given how much stock they put in mysterious, unseen forces during the rest of the debate.

A second such debate was planned for next week involving the Democratic Presidential candidates, but none said they'll attend. They're all too busy aborting middle-class white babies or worshipping the false idol of Universal Health Care or something.

So where was Mitt Romney? Probably off planting a bomb under a mosque somewhere. Mitt didn't get to where he is today by not understanding what his target market really wants.


Friday, October 12, 2007

Are You There, Joseph Farah? It's Me, God


Dear Joe:

Thanks for all the prayers. I'm glad you liked the titanium golf clubs, but you don't need to thank me: they were a business write-off for one of your clients. But thanks for the thought anyway.

Misdirection is actually the reason I'm writing to you today. I read your recent column at World Net Daily about evolution, and I think it's time I cleared up a few things for you.

First of all, biblical literalism: I know how you guys love to bend and stretch things to fit the exact words you see in that Bible in front of you. That's why you folks are constantly pushing the notion that the universe is about 6000 years old, based on Bishop Ussher's interpretation of the Old Testament.

Joe: science has moved on a little since the 1600s. I can prove it, too. You, for example, have a web site ...not a scroll.

I understand that you feel the need to defend your faith. That's great. A lot of good has come from that in its time, even if much of it has been from people like Mother Theresa who secretly doubt Me. And you'd be amazed how many perfectly nice atheists there are out there. Honest!

What I'm trying to say here, Joe, is that you have a brain. Whether you want to blame that fact on Me, or on Evolution, don't you think it's a shame you aren't using it? Again: faith is one thing, but doing crazy intellectual back-flips to justify the letter of the law but not the spirit? That's the sort of thing that pisses me off. It makes me blowing-up-Gomorrah cranky, but of course that's not really my style.

Surprise!

Joe: think. Biblical literalism has its limits. Or are you trying to tell me you don't eat pork and regularly "suffer not a witch to live"?

Seriously, dude. Think about it.

Anyway, I have to go now. There's a planetary nebula in Andromeda that's turning out really nicely, and I want to go watch. Try to be a little smarter and kinder to each other, okay? It would be a terrible disappointment if you guys gave in to your own worst instincts and blew each other up.

Of course, if you do, I have some amazing plans for the bandicoot in about four million years. They'll do me proud at least, I'm sure.

.




Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Joseph Farah: Larry Craig's Gay Men's Room Sex Is Protected By The Constitution (As Long As There's No Marriage Involved)

Here's the latest fresh batch of Neocon Doublethink from World Net Daily, and please forgive my convulsive laughter.

Founder/ragmeister Joseph Farah insists that Senator Larry Craig's sleazy bathroom sex is protected by the US Constitution.

(Pause for laughter)

"There is little ambiguity in Article 1: Section 6, which clearly states no member of Congress can be arrested while traveling to or from official session."

(Pause for more laughter)

Seriously. Here's Article 1, Section 6:

"The Senators and Representatives shall receive a Compensation for their Services, to be ascertained by Law, and paid out of the Treasury of the United States. They shall in all Cases, except Treason, Felony and Breach of the Peace, be privileged from Arrest during their Attendance at the Session of their respective Houses, and in going to and returning from the same; and for any Speech or Debate in either House, they shall not be questioned in any other Place.

No Senator or Representative shall, during the Time for which he was elected, be appointed to any civil Office under the Authority of the United States, which shall have been created, or the Emoluments whereof shall have been encreased during such time; and no Person holding any Office under the United States, shall be a Member of either House during his Continuance in Office."

(I'm no lawyer, but it sounds to me like this section was put in to prevent anyone trying to shake down legislators over spurious legal crap in order to influence policy. You know... kinda like trying to paralyze a Presidency over an impromptu office blowjob, or whatever.)

Larry Craig was busted shortly after 12 PM. he voted on a measure in the Senate that day shortly before 6 PM. Therefore, busting Craig five hours before he votes is a violation of the Constitution. Honest, he was headed right for the Senate. But, being a Man Of The People... (Insert your own "polling the electorate" joke here.)

We've all sat back and watched the Republican Hypocrisy Boil swell and grow over the years. Larry Craig may be the first dribble of putrescence that heralds the explosion. Stand back, America! Ewww.

To be honest with you, this is just so damned screwed up I honestly don't know where to start. So... hot off the request line... here's Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne just for you, Joseph Farah! Can't wait until that "Values Voter" thing you're hosting... it's bound to be a laugh-fest.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Values Voters Debate: Republican '08 Presidency Detector, On Sale Now, Aisle Twelve!

I'm looking forward to tonight's "Value Voters Debate" (sounds like a discount item at Wal-Mart, doesn't it?) hosted by Joseph Farah. There ought to be a special door prize for the candidate who's best able to make Larry Craig look like the Democrat's fault.

Joseph Farah's World Net Daily specializes in playing into the worst, most fearful aspects of public life. And since this is, after all, the 21st Century, you can't play on people's dark and primitive reflexes without lots of modern merchandising. Here's an ad from today's edition...


"Save money. Live better?" Now there's a huge political lie everyone could get behind...

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Ted Byfield Fails High School Journalism Standards, Proposes Abolition Of High School

Ted Byfield has me so pissed off this week that I'm reprinting his entire column here, with my comments in italics, just to show you what a dumbass he's become. Go look at the original for yourself here if you must, but Ted doesn't sound any saner surrounded by newspaper web site graphics than he does on my blog, or surrounded with padded walls... which is where he apparently composed this week's lump of angry old right-wing stool.

***


The Canadian news media, so it seems, are finally getting on to a story that broke about 50 years ago, which they missed at the time and have been missing ever since. I know, because I was one of the reporters who missed it.

Judging by the stuff appearing of late in the North American media, we are beginning to discover that our school system has been fairly well ruined by crackpot ideas, introduced in the 1950s by reformers of supposedly unchallengeable authority.

-What "stuff appearing of late"? Even crackpots can cite their sources. We can't even tell from this who the crackpot in question is. Not like you've ever needed help, Ted.

They were in fact challenged at the time by older, life-long teachers who protested that these new concepts were hair-brained, if not downright insane. The changes would assuredly result, they said, in a steady decline in standards, and a whole generation of people incapable of either governing themselves or being governed.

-The expression should correctly be "hare-brained" but I'll let this one pass. As for "a whole generation of people incapable of either governing themselves or being governed"...holy crap, Ted, that's the most fascist thing I've heard you say yet. Was that you running through The Reichstag with a pack of matches?

Well, we of the media of that day knew that those old fogies were living in another era. They were incapable of change, out of touch with reality, and fit only to be pastured so that they could not stand in the way of "progress."

-"Old fogies? Living in another era? Incapable of change? Out of touch?" I'm sure you hate your home country enough that you've blocked any memory of your Canadian public school French, so get someone to tell you what "le plus que change, le plus que meme chose" means.

The newspaper editorial writers, as I recall, eagerly embraced the new concepts and urged their adoption. They too wanted their newspapers to be wholly identified with the new society those new schools were intended to create. Little did they know that these wonderful new concepts would result one day in a major decline in literacy and a resulting decline in newspaper readership. They were in effect electing their own assassins.

-And here they thought they were upgrading public education to beat those pesky Russkies and their damned Sputniks. Suckers! That's why we all speak Russian today, Ted. But thanks for doing your part to show today's young'uns that the mainstream media isn't chock full of out of touch old wing nuts.

Many zillions of words have been used to describe this educational revolution, usually attributed to the philosopher John Dewey and the coterie of new thinkers who surrounded him at the University of Chicago. What they wanted was painless education. Above all, learning must be fun, and freed of all sense of coercion and fear.

-Heh. "Zillions." Way to show off the education Ted. But seriously: Dewey died in 1952, so they may have been "new thinkers" then, but they sure as hell weren't new by the time I hit kindergarten.

The SPCA occasionally has to deal with dogs raised in an environment that doesn't believe in a "painless education" that was "freed of all sense of coercion and fear." They usually have to be put down because they're crazy and vicious. Kind of like the way you and your son, Link Byfield, allegedly ran Alberta Report magazine.

The practice of pass and fail must be eliminated, teachers must cease being authority figures and become instead friends and guides; examinations must be abolished; grading standards like A, B, C and D and percentage figures done away with. All this was in order to produce a new kind of society in which human evil and competitiveness would gradually disappear.

Those old teachers said it wouldn't work, that the competitive element in human beings is innate, not learned, and the inevitable result would be a disastrous decline in educational standards.

Every last one of those old teachers is no doubt dead by now, but all through their last years they were forced to watch their forebodings come appallingly true. Too bad they weren't around last week when kin Canada children and youths went back for another year in school, accompanied by a moaning media chorus describing our educational system as an obvious disaster.

-You may be right on this one, Ted (again, sources?). I'm sure anyone who taught you in school was worm food by the Nixon era. At least our system is producing better results than the tortured monstrosity of the US Public Schools. But telling your true Target Market (I'll bet you get more hits on World Net Daily than any Canadian site) that the neighbors are dummies is always a winning strategy with the rubes.

One national newspaper deplores the "social pass" as producing tens of thousands of so-called high school graduates who can scarcely read and write. Another bewails the fact that young people simply are not becoming adults. They acquire one academic credential after another, often living with their parents until they're 30, and never getting a permanent job.

-You know, I Googled the exact phrase "social pass" with "schools" and "Canada" and guess what? There are NO NATIONAL NEWSPAPERS referencing what you're talking about... except in your columns. Specifically, this one I'm quoting here and this bit of naked Canada-bashing. This is what in journalism is called "bullshit," as I recall from Junior High.

Now, we're told, a distinguished psychologist proposes putting most people to work at age 12, with a knowledge of the basic three Rs and nothing more. It will make them grow up, he says. This is hailed as a revolutionary new concept, never heard of before.

-Yeah, it's so revolutionary that I CAN'T FIND WHO/WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.


In fact, it isn't new at all. One of those old-style teachers, who died in the early '50s, was Sir Richard Livingstone, a classics professor, educational philosopher and chancellor of Oxford University. He was Dewey's contemporary but held very different ideas. Livingstone defined what he called "educable ages" of human beings. We are most educable, he said, when we're very young, least educable in the teen years and early 20s, and become highly educable again as adults.

-Whew. Finally, a reference. An incredibly obscure one, admittedly, but a reference nonetheless. Typing "Sir Richard Livingstone" and "education" into Google gets around 900 hits... including your column and (now) this blog. By contrast, Googling "Paris Hilton" and "immaculate conception" gets over 26,000 hits. Have your nurse explain to you who Paris Hilton is and why that's funny.

He therefore proposed that the high school system be abolished except for the very brightest of students, and that the money thereby saved be directed instead into community schools for adults. People would normally continue their education through their adult life.

-I swear, Ted, I've searched and searched for the book/paper/fever dream/cocktail napkin you're referring to and I can't find it. Sources?

In effect, he was abolishing the whole concept of the teenager, the adolescent. If nearly everybody at 12 or 13 joined the work force, they would in fact become part of the adult world. Later they would go back to school as adults to actually learn something and be eager to learn it.

-Now we're on to something. You just want to abolish teenagers, don't you? That'll keep the little pricks off your lawn.

We scoffed at the time. Do away with high school? Preposterous, we said. Today, more than ever, it sounds like a good idea.

***

Ted, I took a journalism unit as a part of English class in Junior High. Not enough to make me a journalist, but enough to remember at least a couple of the basic principles. I recall a couple of kids failed (yes, they got failing marks!) because they didn't cite their sources or back their opinions with any confirmable facts. I'm sure these kids are now off having healthy productive lives as something other than professional journalists.

What the hell is your excuse, Ted?

UPDATE: Eugene Plawiuk at Le Revue Gauche has done a thorough job of finding where Ted's ideas came from, and drags them out into the light.

They're icky.