Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Darth Vader, Hannibal Lecter, And General Zod At The Values Voters Debate

The Values Voters Debate was an attempt by Fundamentalist US voters to find a leader they can really get behind: one with a consistent world view, determination, and someone with a strong moral streak that runs against the mainstream. It's unfortunate that the three best candidates I can think of didn't show up.

Here are actual questions from the debate, followed by actual movie-quote answers:

Q: At President Bush's press conference in Canada last month, Fox News asked him this question: "Can you say that the Security and Prosperity Partnership is not a prelude to a North American Union similar to the European Union?" George Bush did not deny that goal, he just ridiculed the question. Will you assure us that you will abolish all plans to promote the economic integration of North America?

VADER: "Give yourself to the Dark Side. It is the only way you can save your friends."
LECTER: "He covets. That is his nature. And how do we begin to covet, Clarice? Do we seek out things to covet? "
ZOD: "The closer we come to an atmosphere with only one sun... a yellow sun... the more our molecular density gives us unlimited powers."

Q: What do you intend to do to counteract the homosexual agenda?

VADER: "Leave them to me. I will deal with them myself. "
LECTER: "Look for severe childhood disturbances associated with violence. Our Billy wasn't born a criminal, Clarice. He was made one through years of systematic abuse. Billy hates his own identity, you see, and he thinks that makes him a transsexual. But his pathology is a thousand times more savage and more terrifying."
ZOD: "I defy you! Come and kneel before Zod! Zod!"

Q: As you will see by the ultrasound video on the screen, science confirms the undeniable unique person in the womb... if elected, what will you do to make our laws consistent with our science and restore legal protection and full rights of personhood to every American waiting to be born?

VADER: "Bring me all passengers, I want them ALIVE!"
LECTER: "You think if Catherine lives, you won't wake up in the dark ever again to that awful screaming of the lambs. "
ZOD: "He cares. He actually cares for these Earth people."

Q: There is no question that Jihadists have as their goal the harming of America and its citizens. What would your strategy be to protect our streets, our people, and our American way of life from the designs of radical Islam?

VADER: "The Emperor will show you the true nature of the Force. He is your master now."
LECTER: "What a collection of scars you have. Never forget who gave you the best of them, and be grateful, our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real. We live in a primitive time, don't we, Will?"
ZOD: "I am General Zod. Your ruler. Yes, today begins a new order. Your lands, your possessions, your very lives, will gladly be given in tribute to me, General Zod! In return for your obedience you will enjoy my generous protection. In other words you will be allowed to live."

Q: We all agree there is a great need to stop illegal immigration. However, what are the most urgent measures needed today in the area of legal immigration?

VADER: "You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor!"
LECTER: "Have you ever seen blood in the moonlight, Will? It appears quite black."
ZOD: "We have all that we need without you."

Q: Tell us about your personal faith, and what it means in your life:

VADER: “I find your lack of faith disturbing.”
LECTER: "God has power. lf one does what God does enough times, one will become as God is. God's a champ. He always stays ahead. He got 140 Filipinos in one plane crash last year. Remember that earthquake in ltaly last spring?"
ZOD: "Why do you say this to me, when you know that I will kill you for it? "

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