Larry Craig Wants To Wipe Off His Chin And Keep Sucking In The Senate

Rumors are flying the Senator Larry "Shithouse Rat" Craig may attempt to fight his voluntary guilty plea and withdraw his resignation from the US Senate.

His lawyers argument goes like this: Larry was under too much pressure to think properly and decided to plead guilty, because pleading guilty is the easiest way to make a false charge go away, just like it did with Galileo. Besides, we all know that Minneapolis cops read "The Idaho Statesman" all the time, cruising for possibly-gay politicians from half a country away. Man, those Minneapolis cops are hardcore.

Think I'm joking? Go ahead, read that link.

Defender of American Greatness Senator Arlen Specter is on Larry's side. Minnesota law states that a guilty plea can be withdrawn if it was not "intelligently made." "...And what Sen. Craig did was by no means intelligent," says Arlen.

Some other things Larry Craig made a legal commitment to that he should consider withdrawing, based on "new intelligence:" His support for a groundless war, his opposition to stem cell research, his opposition to withdrawal from Iraq, cutting $40 billion from welfare and education, tax breaks for Big Oil, and making it harder for victims of corporate wrongdoing to sue. Oh, and his determined hatred for gays.

Or are you trying to tell me that war, ignorance,and greed ARE "family values?" They must be: being an ignorant hateful warmonger certainly isn't "gay," at least. And nothing is worse than being gay, right Larry?