Friday, September 7, 2007

Ann Coulter Is Larry Craig's Fag Hag

You knew it was only a matter of time until Ann Coulter squeezed out one of her pearls of wisdom regarding Senator Larry " Cruisin' " Craig's men's room polling practices.

We all know by this point that a Republican could fart on an orphan and Ann would insist he should charge for aromatherapy. But her defence of Larry Craig has Ann twisting like dangling chads on a rigged Florida ballot. To wit:

-"There is nothing liberals love more than gay-baiting, which they disguise as an attack on 'hypocrisy' "

Busted! Larry Craig's hatefully consistent anti-gay voting record makes him the perfect target for a good old-fashioned fag-bashing.

This must be how Ann stays so skinny. She's spending her grocery money on airplane glue.

-"The New York Times ran 15 articles on Craig's guilty plea to "disorderly conduct" in a bathroom. The Washington Post ran 20 articles on Craig. MSNBC covered it like it was the first moon landing -- Three small taps for a man, one giant leap for public gay sex!

In other news last week, two Egyptian engineering students, Ahmed Abdellatif Sherif Mohamed and Youssef Samir Megahed, were indicted in Tampa on charges of carrying pipe bombs across states lines. They were caught with the bombs in their car near a Navy base. "

-You ever been to Florida? Oh right... you sometimes lie about living there. Saying that someone was arrested in Tampa "near a naval base" is like saying someone who lives in Rome lives near "a major religious leader." A big chunk of the Tampa area IS a naval base! I'll bet there are lots of Arabs working in corner stores and offices and car dealerships and in repair trucks suspiciously close to a naval base in Tampa, too.

The real news story everyone was missing was how twenty-five years of largely Republican-driven globalization has left your country lacking in manufacturing jobs, your markets flooded with deadly cheap slave-made Chinese imports that your Wal-Martized economy now can't live without. Also, China hacked The Pentagon's computers.

For god's sake Ann... it's the fucking Commies. You Republicanoids used to at least be good for pointing out ONE semi-legitimate menace.

Also, thinking that two pipe bombs could do any serious harm to a US Naval Base would also require using a crack pipe, Ann.

-"If liberals were any happier, they'd be gay."

If they manage to muster the balls for a few impeachments, they'll be flamingly happy.

-"Liberals said the only reason Republicans were not blanketing the airwaves defending Craig -- maybe running him for president -- was because of Republican "homophobia." After howling with rage all week about gay Republicans, to turn around and call Republicans homophobes on Friday was nothing if not audacious."

Funny, I heard just as much coverage as you (presumably) did. The questions I heard were about the judgement of a man who got caught trying to get laid in a place where people go for a crap, whips out his Senate business card to try and get away with it, then plead guilty, then tries to back out of it, then announce he's "not gay" as if that were the crime. Although, given that Craig wanted to amend the Constitution to prevent gay marriage, you're going to have a hell of a time defending the notion that "homophobia" isn't a Republican family value.

-'Underlying the (Republicans') hurry to disown the senator, of course, is the party's brutal agenda of trumpeting the gay-marriage issue. To the extent Sen. Craig, a stalwart in the family values caucus, might morph into a blatant hypocrite before the voters' eyes, he reflects on the party's record in demonizing homosexuality. The rush to cast him out betrays the party's intolerance, which is on display for the public in all of its ugliness."

Liberals don't even know what they mean by 'hypocrite' anymore. It's just a word they throw out in a moment of womanly pique, like "extremist" -- or, come to think of it, "gay." How is Craig a "hypocrite," much less a 'blatant hypocrite'?'

It's like this, Ann honey: if you make a big deal out of opposing something and saying it's morally wrong, and then you sneak around in men's rooms looking for it... you're a hypocrite. A blatant one. Do you know what "hypocrite" means? Ask your Mexican maid. I'll bet she knows.

So what is the real reason there's no deafening gallop of Republicans rushing to his defense? Because it's a fool's errand. That's what they keep you around for, Ann.

-"Did Craig propose marriage to the undercover cop? If not, I'm not seeing the 'hypocrisy.' "

Oh, Consuela! When you're done with the dishes, bring the dictionary. Señora Coulter needs to look up both "hypocrite" and "semantics." Better get a highlighter and point out "twat" to her too.

-'If the charges against Craig are true -- and that is certainly in doubt -- he's a sinner (and barely that, according to The Idaho Statesman), but he is among the least hypocritical people in America.'

Put that scrub brush down, Consuela, you're needed now.

No comments: